Say Less
Because you know theyll be asking.
The holidays are here, and as we all know, the best part is family time.
But also, the worst part.
Our beloved families are a joy to be around until, of course, they start asking questions.
Just because theyre not trying to make you feel bad doesnt mean a little sass wont help.
Consider the following comebacks for every annoying question a family might ask.
Are you sure you need a second slice?
Well, no, Im not sure I need a second slice.
What do any of us really need, other than shelter, rice, beans, and water?
The human body is remarkably resilient; didnt you watchYellowjackets?
Speaking of, do youneedthat iPhone youre holding?
So, when are you and your boyfriend planning on getting engaged?
Well, right now, our next big move is butt stuff.
Do you want us to keep you updated on what we do after?
Anyone special in your life right now?
You, obviously, Aunt Martha!
How cruel would it be if I didnt think you were special?
When are you moving back home?
Are you thinking about getting a real job any time soon?
Weird even though its imaginary, I still have to go into work five or six times a week.
Maybe this is something I could write a fantasy novel about.
What do you think of XYZ political issue?
And wouldnt it be nice to agree, since its the holidays?
For example, this pumpkin pie looksdelicious, and I need a second slice.
I think we can all agree on that.
There sure is a lot of crime in your city!
I know, right!
I saw a stray kitten last week that stole my heart; can you believe that little guy?
A tiny heart-thief, walking around the streets of Bushwick.
Are you keeping your hair like that?
Funny you should ask.
I actually paid $100,000 to get this newfangled throw in of hair that doesnt grow.
So yes, its staying the way it is.
When are you two going to start a family?
Did you hear that, babe?
Were not a family.
Even though were married.
Hmm, I think I may have filed my taxes wrong, but just dont tell the IRS.
Any promotions in the near future?
Do you want my boss number?
Because shes the one who decides.
Feel free to give her a call; she prides herself on working holidays.
Can you help me with the Roku?
Actually, dont give a snappy answer to this question.
Just help your older relative with the Roku.
Its famously hard to use.
