The Sobriety Spectrum
And how its helped redefine what fun looks like to them.
These three women went teetotal and found out that the effect on their friendships wasnt so straightforward.
(Though that splitting-the-bill convo is, indeed, awkward.)
Heres how their friendships changed after quitting drinking both for the worse and for the better.
I hadattempted being sobera few times before a month here or there but always fell back into it.
Walks or meeting up in someones backyard naturally replaced meeting in bars.
One friendship in particular has changed since I quit drinking.
Alcohol is more central in their life; every plan they make involves it by default.
But you don’t get a free pass for being mean just because you had a mimosa with breakfast.
I felt not just embarrassed, but disappointed that drinking seemed to hold a higher power over me.
At first, I wanted to see to it my friends felt comfortable drinking around me.
I didn’t want to be the fun police.
I didn’t want to lose my invitation.
So I tried to act cool.
But it’s really hard to be the sober person in a room full of intoxicated people.
Why do you need $50 from me when I had water and a couple bites of an appetizer?
I lost touch with a lot of friends who were constantly drinking.
Some of them dont really know what to think of me now.
Some of them are probably annoyed by the person who I’ve become.
Its a shift in what I value and what they value.
It’s like I’m in middle school again.
I have to get comfortable socializing without that crutch of alcohol.
It’s been an exercise in learning to get comfortable in my own skin.
When I started to drink, I thought that was normal, and I drank alcoholically from the beginning.
When I stopped drinking in November 2019, my friendships with my drinking buddies stopped too.
We didn’t really know each other that well; we just had fun going out together.
But my best group of friends has stuck with me.
I’ve also made a lot of friends since going sober.
It was difficult at first because I’ve always used alcohol as a social lubricant.
I’ve never done this before.
I don’t really know what I’m doing.
A bunch of women swarmed me after the meeting and gave me their numbers.
People would get food after that and make it a day of it.
Over the summer, I also was invited to play on a sober softball team.
Ive also gained some amazing friends who have helped expand my idea of what fun is.
As for those two friendships that drifted, I have reached out to each of them.
One never got back in touch, and Ive accepted that relationships come and go.
The other did, and weve met up a few times for coffee.
Interviews have been edited and condensed for clarity.
