Relationships
Your daily habits, sex life, and attachment style all hold clues.
But what about the opposite?
And its also common to wonder if someone better is out there.
You and your partner get to make the decision to eitherwork to improve your relationshipor opt-out.
Here are some signs you might not be, as well as what to do about it.
Perhaps you cant stop checking out other people, or maybe you downloaded Hinge just to take a look.
Regardless of the form your wandering eye takes, these arent signals to ignore, says licensed therapistRachel Elder.
But if you dont feel any form of excitement for your partner, take note.
(Those are all good things!)
Its just that you shouldnt be forgetting about your SO.
For any relationship to be successful, both partners need to put in effort and work, Sherrell says.
If you no longer want to, its a glaring indicator that youre no longer invested.
It can happen for all sorts of reasons:stress, physical health, or shifting relationship dynamics.
Without sexual activity, the relationship is largely just a friendship or roommate situation, adds Bennett.
A good litmus test is to ask yourself if you evenwant that spark back, suggests licensed counselorNawal Alomari.
If not, it might mean youre not as romantically invested in the relationship as you thought.
Ask yourself, How do I take care of myself sexually?
or What is my relationship to sex?
Start there and reconnect with that first, she tells Bustle.
She says friendship can lead to greater relationship satisfaction, more commitment, and even better sexual satisfaction.
Its due to how close you feel as a duo, and how much you trust each other.
If youve fallen out of love, you may find yourself confiding in other people, saysDr.
Monica P. Band, a trauma-informed licensed mental health therapist and owner ofMindful Healing Counseling Services.
You may find yourself doing things more independently instead of asking them for help, she tells Bustle.
As Band says, You become more protective because youre subtly detaching yourself and your life from this person.
If youre with the right person, youll find these moments of annoyance kind of charming.
And the less you like your partner, the easier that is to do.
If youre constantly unsure, OReilly emphasizes that you dont need a real reason to break up.
It isnt necessary to wait for things to go sour or to turn toxic before you leave.
If you arent fully happy, permit yourself to move on.
According to Alomari, thats a sure sign your heart isnt in it.
Did something happen to break your trust and you feel like you cant repair it?
Was something said that showed your partners true colors, and you dont trust that theyve truly changed?
Think canceling dates, putting your phone on DND, or saying youre sick so they wont come over.
You might be longing for someone or something else.
If you feel devastated, you likely still have some love or hope for the relationship.
Sometimes the fear of the unknown can keep a couplecomplacent in a relationshipthat just isnt working anymore.
If you balk at the idea of breaking up or separating, try picturing it first.
Use your imagination to envision how it might feel, and your feelings will start to become clear.
When youre madly in love, very few things feel off-limits.
Do you want to bring them soup when theyre sick?
Would you help them carry bags if their ankle was broken?
Or pick them up from the airport at 3 a.m.?
Losing attraction often goes hand-in-hand with a lack of effort.
The less you emotionally invest into your relationship, the less attraction you will feel toward your partner.
Do you like how you are around them?
Do they bring out the best side of you?
Or do you hardly recognize yourself when youre together?
Weve been taught that were not deserving of love, OReilly says.
So, when someone shows up and likes us, that [feels] good enough.
But one-sided admiration isnt enough to make it work long-term:You have to love yourself, too.
A solid partnership thats full of love will feel like a strong foundation or a support net.
If youve lost sight of yourself, consider that a red flag.
Whatever the goal, Wright recommendscommunicating this to your partnerASAP to see if theyre feeling the same way.
That way, you’ve got the option to figure out how to move forward together.
It can even be helpful to bicker, says Chlipala.
It also might happen when you stand up for yourself or sort out a misunderstanding.
These are things that will happen when youre both showing up as your truest, fullest selves.
If youre in love, the respect you have for each other will see you through to a compromise.
Its only when you become indifferent that there may be a problem, she says.
If youre blowing up at each other, thats also a sign to get out.
When youre in love, you often have more patience and understanding for a partner.
When that patience starts to fade, you might find that you feel a lot less gracious and accepting.
And again, you should be encouraging each other to do so.
But she says not everyone can match that energy.
If its just because youre scared or because you dont want to get hurt, let your partner know.
Keeping them in the loop as you figure it all out is the kindest thing you could do.
The same is true in reverse, of course.
If your partner does these things, it makes total sense why youd fall out of love.
When youre in love, youre fully engaged and present during your time together, Simone says.
If you see yourself drifting away from this feeling, it could mean you are falling out of love.
As we all know, life unfolds and people change, which is absolutely normal, says Simone.
However, if your goals begin to not align anymore, this can often cause strain between two people.
Friends and family are super important, Simone says.
If youre unsure how your partner fits in with your loved ones, it might be a red flag.
A great relationship should feel like everyone can mix and mingle without stress.
Love is about equal effort, and lack of initiative can signal fading feelings, the expert tells Bustle.
They Bore You
Sometimes, the most obvious signifier is also the simplest one: boredom.
Gaby Balsells, LSCW, an individual and couples therapist withHigher Fulfillment
Devyn Simone, renowned matchmaker andTindersResident Relationship Expert
