Sex

KinkTok creator Angel Ardito says its all about tapping into your senses.

It did not come naturally to me, she tells Bustle.

I don’t think that it comes naturally to most people.

I knew that I wasn’t super fulfilled.

I wanted to try something new and exciting.

I started going on YouTube and searching … how to spice up your sex life.

It doesn’t have to be extra kinky or cringey or ridiculous.

Basically, youll want to tap into all of your senses.

What are you experiencing physically, but also what are you tasting and hearing?

What are you smelling?

So I love how you taste or I want to taste you.

it’s possible for you to be more descriptive than that.

You want to be descriptive, for example, You smell amazing.

I could eat you up.

Sound is a great one, too.

It’s just about describing in the beginning.

you might get more crazy with it, the more comfortable you get.

Speaking of feeling more comfortable, what are your tips for gaining confidence when using dirty talk?

Confidence comes with experience.

Many people have been hired for a job theyve never done before.

It’s one of those things where you have to just jump in and start.

you’re able to just say I love it when you twist my nipples.

I love it when you nibble my neck.

But its a lot easier when you have self-assurance in general.

I used to have low self-esteem and talking dirty was a lot more difficult.

The more you do it, the better it’ll feel and the more it’ll come naturally.

Do you have any examples of dirty talk phrases or ideas for someone who’s more submissive?

A great place to start is showing that you’re enjoying the actions your partner is performing on you.

A lot of dirty talking can be correlated to begging.

Ask them for what you want.

Use your body when you’re asking them for something.

I just want you to f*ck me from behind.

Being submissive doesn’t mean you cant ask for what you want.

On the flip side, what would you suggest for someone who is more dominant?

Like, Oh, yeah, you like it when I f*ck you like that, baby.

The whole concept is that you’re taking control and you’re doing what you want.

attempt to stick with what you’re comfortable with.

it’s possible for you to start out with little things.

I didn’t want to make you uncomfortable.

Is this something you’d be interested in?

How can someone use dirty talk to communicate what they want from their partner during sex?

The easy answer is to just tell them.

It’s not necessarily easy because you don’t want to hurt their feelings or anything.

Ultimately, you have to operate within the constraints of what your partner is or isn’t comfortable trying.

If your partner is resisting, then that’s kind of that.

you’re free to always ask them, Are you open to guidance?

or Are you open to learning?

Thats where you’ll get your answer.

They may say Yes, I’m open to learning.

Yes, I’m open to guidance, and you go from there and learn together.

If not, you have to determine you’re OK with that.

Do you have any tips for starting to use dirty talk when texting?

During sex, you tell them what you’re experiencing, what you like.

I’m getting so wet right now.

Youd say Tell me if you want me to drop it, or something like that.

You don’t want to just send a picture of your vulva.

Like if they laughed or became awkward?

If your partner’s laughing, it’s probably because they’re uncomfortable.

No matter what negative thing is happening, take a deep breath.

It’s not that something’s wrong with you.

It’s just that they weren’t comfortable with the situation.

The second thing would be to respectfully and safely address that with your partner.

Can you tell me what you were feeling?

Were you feeling embarrassed or nervous or did I do something wrong?

This interview has been edited and condensed for clarity.

This article was originally published onApril 6, 2022