For many years, writer Alix Strauss harbored a secret.
She was absolutely, thoroughly enamored with funerals.
Theyre not really sure if youre serious.
People would often respond with condemnations like, Thats an awful thing to say.
Its such a universally understood thing [because] everyone has issues with their family.
The book follows Nina, a thirty-something who attends other peoples funerals in the hopes of bonding with mourners.
ButFuneralsis also populated by other achingly honest, often hilarious portraits of lonely women.
We are still grappling with the [same] issues.
We are not well, we really are hurting.
Below, Strauss reflects on family dynamics, writing your own vows, and Amy Sedaris.
Warning: This Q&A contains details about suicide which some readers may find triggering.
I definitely understood that I experienced a funeral very differently than most people.
[My parents] really didnt create a family support system for me, which they absolutely should have.
And that was really on both sides, my mother and my father.
It was very impactful.
It changed my life and shaped my fascination with family dynamics.
I thought, Im watching an experience I will never be privy to.
Im never going to have that experience.
Weddings are vastly different ceremonies than funerals, but theyre rituals rooted in families nonetheless.
What drew you to them?
When I was covering weddings, I wasnt as single as I am now.
Im still seeing this experience that Im certainly not a part of.
And I get to know my couples very intimately.
I definitely like the people who write their own vows.
This is your moment to really speak from your heart.
Everybodys love story is different, as universal as it is, and everybodys vows are different.
I love listening to them.
But youre still hearing this great emotional story, so to speak.
Why do you find death such a rich territory for writing?
When you commit suicide, its the one decision you cant take back.
And it affects so many people.
For these famous people specifically, it also made us feel part of something bigger than ourselves.
There was this community grieving that even if we didnt know them, weknewthem.
I think theres something horrifically heartbreaking about how hard life is, especially now.
We are all just walking around grieving.
The way that someone chooses to [die by suicide] was also very interesting to me.
From the person who writes the note, to the person who doesnt.
The person who jumps out a window, to the person who slits their wrists in a warm bath.
The person who drinks themselves into a comatose state and takes a handful of pills beforehand.
They were all different but they were all the same and that was fascinating, too.
I love being in the same sentence with Amy Sedaris.
And it was so much for us just to come out of the pandemic.
Its just so hard to get through for some people, for alotof people.
What do you hope those who are struggling to live and grieve today find in your book?
I was shocked that we are still grappling with these issues.
We are not well, we really are hurting.
Theres nothing wrong with them.
Theyre just trying to survive like all these other characters are.
This interview has been edited and condensed for clarity.
