Work Life
Millennial bosses particularly women feel responsible for their employees' well-being as well as their work.
Alice watched her son and husband play without her as she attempted to wrap up the conversation.
In the following weeks, Alices regular check-ins with Dana were dominated by discussions of Danas personal life.
I often wonder whether its because Im a woman, and a Millennial, or both, she said.
Ive thought about saying, This is not the time or place to talk about these matters.
But theres a risk with that, especially as a woman, of being labeled as an insensitive bitch.
Conversely, Alice knows that her approachability can be a strength.
I think it made my team loyal to me, she said.
And they may have been willing to work harder because they felt a personal bond and connection.
Still, it was exhausting to be everyones dumping ground.
On some days, I felt like I had a toddler at home, and eight more at work.
She recently quit for a job where she only manages one person.
“It’s a big relief,” she said.
Treating employees like humans is a good thing.
But can managers reasonably fulfill such heavy personal responsibilities?
Whats more, the emotional labor of tending to employees mental well-being often goes unrecognized, especially from women.
Still, many managers see their empathetic approach as part of an important and positive shift.
I would get criticized publicly if I didnt do something to their liking.
She also started to get panic attacks and had trouble sleeping.
When Olivia got a job with managerial responsibilities in her 30s, she was intent on doing better.
I knew that people didnt perform well when they were treated the way Id been.
I certainly hadnt, she said.
I wanted the people I managed to know that I cared about them.
I wanted them to feel invested and empowered.
For the most part, her approach is working.
She gets excellent performance reviews from her team, and her division is growing rapidly.
But not everyone has responded to her momaging the way she thought they would.
I worry about whatll happen to them if they get another boss who isnt so understanding.
Then theres the problem of getting emotionally enmeshed with her employees.
Ive learned to not directly ask about peoples feelings, because sometimes that isnt received well, she said.
For example, I once asked a direct report if she was okay, because she seemed angry.
And she told me that she didnt want to be characterized as an angry person.
I can relate to Olivias confusion.
A few months later, I cried in there myself.
None of this was out of the ordinary.
All my friends bosses were just as demanding and ruthless as mine were, and we sucked it up.
I took them to coffee regularly and asked about their lives.
I cared about their morale and aspirations, and dedicated large chunks of my time to helping them succeed.
Its great that workplaces are acknowledging that mental well-being is important, she explained.
Most managers are not qualified for that, nor should they feel like they need to be.
So companies are being expected to do and be more for their employees, on lots of different levels.
Work relationships are always transactional, to a certain degree.
But it isnt a perfect correlation; capitalism doesnt run on good vibes.
Im very close with my team, and performance reviews almost broke me this year, she said.
Still, Renee takes pride in her empathy.
When I was starting out in my career, no one advocated for me, she said.
I would stay in the office late every night because the higher-ups would delegate everything and then leave.
Now, she wants her direct reports to know she has their back.
As a leader, I want my team to feel seen.
Its a double-edged sword, though.
Im incredibly burned out, she said.
Trying to relate to your underlings can also feel forced.
What does that look like?
Its important for companies to think ahead and ask questions like,Do we give mental health days?
If people are emotionally overwhelmed, how can they take time off?
What are our healthcare stipends?
While morale is important, managers shouldnt (and cant) attempt to make everyone happy constantly.
Nor should they give a shot to fill the role of therapist or doctor.
Perhaps most importantly, managers must receive that same level of support themselves.
Others would prefer to have a phone conversation about it, or receive a tag in a Google sheet.
I also take the time to check in with people and ask how theyre doing.
Yes, its a lot of extra interpersonal labor, Hailey admits.
But she thinks its worth it.
I know its very Millennial of me to take on more to support team members.
I know it does for me, too.
This article was originally published onJuly 27, 2023
