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TheYouve Got Mailscreenwriter was juggling an unhappy marriage and her budding writing career.
Guess which one stuck?
When it comes to her second decade,Delia Ephrondoesnt mince words.
I just blew my 20s, Ephron tells Bustle.
Or as Ephron puts it, I was giving an impersonation of a happy person.
It was like, Oh, now Im a married woman.
Just buying into things that didn’t really have any reality to me.
I was avoiding life.
(No, her first husband did not come with her.)
But these days the 77-year-old is squarely focused on her just as exciting third act.
Nobody even thinks about their third act.
That’s part of what is interesting about it, theres no blueprint, she explains.
For Ephron, it began with aNew York Timesop-ed.
Ephron expected catharsis, but what she got was another shot at love.
They reconnected, and soon they were married.
But death is right there in front of you.
you could reach out and touch it.
So I have this, but it feels so precious.
you’re free to blow your 20s and still have a life.
I am living proof of that.
Below, Ephron reflects on getting divorced, eating chocolate pudding, and a fantastic Parisian coat.
Take me back to 1972, when you were 28.
He taught at Brown and I moved [to Providence] with him when I was 25.
Three years later, I had my first book published, which wasThe Adventurous Crocheter.
I had been crocheting things to sell to department stores with my best friend.
Then I was at a party in New York and there was an editor there from Simon & Schuster.
I was just beginning to think, “Hmm.
I think Iwantto be a writer.”
I spoke it out loud.
I said to [my husband], “I think I want to be a writer.
He said, “I don’t want you to be a writer.”
I said, “Why?”
And he said, “Suppose you become famous.
I don’t want you to become famous.”
Your sister, Nora Ephron, was actually living in New York as a writer.
Nora and I were always close.
I mean, even as very young kids, she was always bossing me around and telling me everything.
This is a perfect Nora story.
I said, “No.”
And she said, “I think you should leave him.”
So she helped me find my apartment [in New York]; she gave me an assignment atEsquire.
We were tight, always.
Tell me about escaping to New York.
I knew I had messed up my 20s so badly that I needed to make a plan.
I thought, “I’m eating like a child.”
I wrote 500 words right then about how children eat food.
Then I showed it to Ed Koren, theNew Yorkercartoonist, and he took it toTheNew York Timesfor me.
They published it on the last page of the magazine section and overnight, my life changed.
I was offered a book contract on Monday.
Was that the moment you felt youd truly made it?
I don’t think the idea of making it is the thing.
I knew I could have this dream, but I kept setting other goals for myself.
I thought, “Okay, this year I have to learn to write an essay.
This year, Ill learn to write a screenplay.
This year, Ill give a shot to write a novel.
Now, lets hear about splurging on the orange coat.
It was a fantastic Parisian coat.
It flared out and it had this small, sharp collar.
I think I found it in a store on Madison Avenue, just a small boutique.
I remember seeing it in the window and it just looked fabulous.
It was so much fun to dress then.
What were you watching, reading, and listening to at the time?
What were your influences?
I understood early that your writing is your fingerprint.
What advice would you give to your 28-year-old self?
You have to ask yourself, “Why did I marry this man?”
You have to look at why you made the choices you did and start to make different ones.
I think thats why I ended up with such a happy marriage.
I began to look at the men I was dating in a more reasonable way.
I didn’t just like them because they liked me.
That was big thing before my 20s.
If he liked me, then I had to like him.
This interview has been edited and condensed for clarity.
This article was originally published onMay 2, 2022
