28
The Spice Girl on the importance of self-worth, surviving damaging stereotypes, and her journey to recovery.
Trigger warning: This article contains mentions of disordered eating, depression, and sexual assault.
The first thing I notice aboutMelanie Chisholmwhen she joins our Zoom call is that shes wearing a Spice jumper.
I silently curse myself for not digging out my ownSpice Girlsgear for the occasion.
There was money, fame, and opportunity.
Although she was living out her dreams, she was also struggling behind closed doors.
The narrative and expectations placed upon women, specifically, are so damaging and high-pressured, I note.
The process of writing her book (which she involved her bandmates in) was not a simple one.
I was very anxious.
I felt vulnerable and exposed, she says of sharing her story with the world.
But I have to say, the response has been incredible.
Im so pleased I put it in the book, because I had buried it.
I didnt have time to deal with it properly.
I had to get on and do the show, she reflects.
My biggest regret is that the person hasnt been held accountable for what they did.
Its a good age.
Its one of those little magical numbers.
To anyone 28, Id say, go out and have fun.
Get away with all the naughtiness you’ve got the option to in your 20s!
Take me back to 2002, where was home for you?
I was living in my apartment in Hampstead, London.
I was also spending a little time in Los Angeles, doing some writing and recording.
Id recently met Tom, too.
That March, I took him to David Gest and Liza Minnellis wedding.
[A no-turning-back way of introducing him to the showbiz world.]
But nothing fazes Tom.
Im guessing your views on love and relationships were very hopeful during that time, then?
It was my first serious, long-term adult relationship.
Id spent a lot of time alone or in relationships that didnt really amount to much.
Yeah, things started to feel different.
It was a holiday romance when we met, although we knew each other through friends.
We kind of picked things up when we got home.
Then I had this trip to Los Angeles.
I was out there writing an album, but we spoke every day.
That was the moment when I thought, Oh, actually, theres something in this.
I can only imagine how difficult that was for you.
Theres so many influencers who look fabulous, as do their homes, and holidays.
I buy into all that as well, thinking, I wish my life was like that.
But, come on, reality check.
No ones life is perfect.
We all have sh*t to deal with.
Youre raising a teenager now, but what were your views on motherhood at 28?
My career was my priority, but I always wanted to be a mum.
I was lucky because within the Spice Girls, my childhood ambitions were realised quite young.
I was limiting my chances of becoming a mum.
Which absolutely blows my mind now because I… Im gonna get upset.
Without my little girl, I dont know where Id be.
Shes been the making of me, and I jeopardised that opportunity.
What Id say to young women today is toreallytake care of yourself.
In your 20s, youre so resilient, providing you dont have any underlying health conditions.
But as you get older, everything changes.
If you dont take care of yourself, you cant take care of anyone else.
How was your relationship with your body at 28?
By 2002, things had started to go well.
I was regaining confidence in myself, my eating, and my behaviours.
I was gearing up forReason[my second album].
For me, it was a combination of everything that helped me get back on the road to recovery.
The first step came in 2000, when I sought professional help from my GP.
I had to address my depression.
I was taking medication at the time, but I was also doing talking therapies.
Everyones different, and you have to find what works for you.
I was still very ambitious, but there were a few obstacles in my way.
I was working on my second solo record the difficult sophomore album.
My first,Northern Star,was released in 1999.
It was very successful, so I ended up promoting and touring all over the world for two years.
There are some beautiful songs on the record, but I dont think its my strongest.
And it was also the dawn of file sharing.
Not long after [in 2003], I was dropped by my record label.
Then I had to completely rethink everything.
What music wereyoulistening to then?
Ive always had an eclectic taste.
There was great pop around then Britney Spears.
I was also enjoying Eminem and Dr. Dre.
But I was mainly listening to nu metal bands like Linkin Park.
What was your personal style back then, and did you feel liberated fashion-wise after the Spice Girls disbanded?
There were some very dodgy outfit choices…low-rise boot cut jeansand a lot of crop tops.
But I was still in trainers: my [Adidas] Shell Toe Superstars.
You say dodgy, but thats exactly the look people are going for now.
People are selling their old Jane Norman clothes online.
Im fuming I threw mine away.
My daughters buying them!
She doesnt buy new clothes anymore.
Everythings from Vinted or Depop.
Lastly, if you could go back and revisit your 28-year-old self, what advice would you give her?
Its taken me a long time, and I still battle with it.
If something doesnt feel right for you, then it probably isnt.
Ive silenced myself too many times to keep the peace.
I wish Id spoken up more.
This interview has been edited and condensed for clarity.
