Hes still working on putting himself first.
Im such an asshole here, he says, grinning.
The way you know that youre home, after all, is when youre comfortable complaining.
Theres just something in the air here.
I really liked the version of myself that I was for shooting, he says.
(Aesop Gloam.)
He moved to New York 17 years ago to attend New York University.
The first time he saw the originalWedding Banquetwas at NYU, rented on DVD from the campus library.
Needless to say, the original film stuck with him.
The film fades out on the family hugging.
Theres a moment of affection, then its awkward.
Today, he says, his parents are pretty much on board with his sexuality.
I never thought it would get to that point.
The Wedding Banquetis blessedly light on the sort of cultural superlatives that weve come to expect.
Great work was always around, even if it wasnt mass.
Now, juggernauts likeCrazy Rich AsiansandEverything Everywhere All At Oncehave only broadened the field.
Once the plan is underway, Chris realizes that hes not needed in this arrangement.
I relate to this character in the way that he is decision paralyzed, Yang says.
Chris spends the majority of the film unable to figure out how he matters to other people.
“I think this is a question that everyone can ask themselves.
Why am I needed?AmI needed?
Why do I need other people?
Its very abstract and cloying, but its also something that fast-tracks you to answer this question for yourself.
Lately, theyre questions Yang has been asking himself, too.
He turned it down.
It was a lot of my own personal inadequacy and my own inferiority complex, he tells me.
I was like, give it to the elders.
At just 31, he didnt think he should be in that upper echelon.
Im not ever going to be on that kind of pedestal.
Someone like her is, was, and always will be.
Sure, he concedes, it could have inspired someone out there to see Yang be guest of honor.
But representation has never been a driving force in his professional choices.
If thats purely the motivating thing, then I dont know it literally is disembodying, he says.
Then its not about me.
Its like when you cant fall asleep because you’re so out of your own symbiotic reality.
He speaks from experience.
The pace was unmanageable, and the public-facing nature of it all made it worse.
That eats away at your soulfulness, and then you lose that, he says.
Yang ultimately had a dissociative breakdown.
Hed wake up in London and not know what he was doing there.
What was his life,actually?
Theres a latent sort of dysphoria that you just have to get over, no matter who you are.
He felt completely stripped for parts and had to put the pieces back together.
Howd he do it?
I had to bottom out in a way, he says, laughing.
yo have that be the pull quote.
I think the thing about your 30s is that you have to start facing yourself.
Its such an eye rolly thing to say.
But I think thats whatThe White Lotuswas about.
I am someone who craves steadiness in a world where it’s not really an option.
Of course, its all easier said than done.
Dating is out of the question.
I cant suffer these fools anymore.
But again, theres not quite room.
I really want to I just dont even have time to see my friends.
His mother kept pestering him with questions: How did the return make himfeel?
Theyd left Australia when he was 6 months old, so nostalgia was hard to come by.
She was like, I get it, but look around you.
The water is the first water you drank.
This food is the first food you ate.
Youre made up of this stuff.
This place despite itsnotorious historyof racism against Asians will always be where he comes from.
But at home, his parents were wrecked over his sexual orientation.
The gymnastics were f*ckingComaneci level, he says.
Many of Yangs closest friends date back to that world.
When he first started, queer comedians were siloed away, Yang says.
Thered be the one gay guy in improv, one gay guy in a sketch group.
Youd have a lesbian stand-up you would run into once a year.
They had to find each other through word-of-mouth: There was no queer comedy exchange, no dial-up.
Eventually, they started collaborating on shows together, in turn creating a community.
Like tapping into the same frequency.
Knowing him, meeting with him, and working with him ranks probably number one.
And I just melted, Yang says.
Hes my favorite person, my favorite filmmaker.
By the end, the party agrees that it doesnt really matter.
And yet it does, in the grand scheme of things, Yang argues.
Its commonality made tangible, a lineage in your hands.
The film was a group effort.
As in, were all going to be equal.
We got right down to brass tacks about our history and who we are as people, he says.
That intimacy being on the same frequency is the most powerful currency in his life.
Recently, he found himself making a pact with friends to never leave New York.
They want to be part of the welcoming committee for anyone who joins them.
I think Im a lifer, he says.
Im never going to abandon them.
