It’s A Pleasure
The number of Reddit threads on this will surely let you know youre not alone.
Q: My partner and I have been dating for six years, and were in love.
Problem is… Im in my early 20s and bisexual.
We started dating in high school, and he was myfirst real boyfriend.
How could we go about making this happen in a way thatpreserves the trust and health of the relationship?
Is that even possible?
A:First of all, heck yes, congrats on such a great relationship!
Secondly, I feel you.
Its super, super common.
The number ofReddit threadson this will surely let you know youre not alone.
Its not that I think youre doomed by any means.
Im just saying that almost none of us gets to encounter the full breadth and heft of our desires.
And that is a sad, sh*tty fact of life, but its also OK!
I dont just mean you wont get to have a threesome while camping or some other oversimplified checklist.
They may exceed your imagination at times, they may underperform.
But usually real life sex and dating is just a whole lot different (not worse!)
(I understand youre also not dating women; Im just using this as an example.)
you’re able to be afraid it will never happen.
you’ve got the option to worry about what it means if it never happens.
(It doesnt mean anything about your bi-ness!)
you’re free to decide that where you are now is fine.
But you might also be dissatisfied.
That at the end of the day, they are still themselves.
But sexuality is a very complex beast.
What do you want it to give you?
What do you think will be different about it?
Not to oversimplify complex feelings, but people are people and attraction is attraction.
There is absolute validity in saying Ive outgrown this relationship or I can no longer feel full practicing monogamy.
I also think that its difficult for a relationship to go from being monogamous to open.
Hard doesnt mean impossible, but it meanslooooootttttssssof excruciating conversations.
Its so much work.
And it might just be worth it.
Theres a chance that this is too much for your partner, that theyre interested in nonmonogamy.
You might need to risk this relationship to try new things, to feel like you fully lived.
That doesnt make you evil or greedy or selfish.
Its A Pleasure appears here every Thursday.
This article was originally published onAug.
