Entertainment
He publicly came out as queer in 2021, but feeling comfortable in his own skin?
That took a bit longer.
In his own words, the Creme Brulee singer shares his journey from self-acceptance to true self-love.
Hes been documenting the journey in his music ever since.
Now, I get to express myself freely and fully without reservations.
I laughed in recognition I knew exactly what that meant.
I was so serious in my teenage years and early 20s.
Living in the moment just wasnt something I knew how to do.
To loosen up and let my guard down meant my romantic inclination toward guys might slip out.
So I just dimmed myself.
Now, I really do feel like a kid again.
But learning how to not be afraid of yourself is a process.
You really have to rewire your brain.
Theyre teaching me a new way to talk to myself.
I have two friends named Kevin who live on opposite sides of the country.
Kevin out in California was one of the only gay friends I knew before I came out.
Now I get to ask both of them: So whats it like to date a guy?
Whats it like to be intimate?
How do you get over feeling guilty?
And HIV/AIDS arent you afraid of getting that?
And how do you navigate being in a room with a bunch of men?
Because it seems like a hornyfest!
I felt intimidated because I didnt knowanything.
But I learned about precautions, about medication, about PrEP.
I had been told gay people cant have long-lasting relationships because theyre not based in love.
But here I was meeting people who were in decades-long relationships is that not love?
My publicist has been with his husband for over 30 years.
I didnt even know that was possible!
Dating has never been super easy for me before coming out, after coming out.
But now, for the first time, Im getting in touch with whatIwant.
What do I find attractive?
Its fun to get to know people.
Its fun to kiss people and go on a hike or go for lunch.
I didnt know I could be as flirty as I am sometimes.
Other times, Im very shy.
Everyone has a slightly different idea of what they want out of human connection.
Sometimes people dont want anything too deep when I want a little more.
And sometimes people want something more from me and are all in thats what I wrote Creme Brulee about.
I dont think I could have put that out even a few years ago hell no!
I was still in my conservative mindset:I need to be modest.
I cant show too much skin.
I cant be inappropriate by Mormon standards.
But Ive learned that its OK to play, to feel yourself a little bit.
I picked that up from dancing and from being around dancers.
Theyhaveto be in touch with their body to move the way they do and tell a story through performance.
Ive really come to enjoy queer spaces like bars and clubs as well.
I love raves and music festivals, too.
Any place, really, where youre not worried about conforming to societal expectations.
When you go out to a club, you dress cute.
You dress to beseen which is nice after spending so much of your life hiding.
I would like to see more overall queer spaces rather than spaces that are just dominated by gay men.
Hecertainlycould not handle the Creme Brulee video!
Im working on a book that basically answers the questions for him: Why did I come out?
Before, I was waking up each day and dreading the fact that I was still who I was.
As told to Nolan Feeney.
