It’s A Pleasure
And he has no idea that Im courting his ex-girlfriend.
Recently, Ive become friends with his ex-girlfriend and things are getting pretty flirty.
She has no idea that Ive hooked up with her ex.
And he has no idea that Im courting his ex-girlfriend.
If it helps to know, I think the breakup was messy and they did not stay friends.
Do I owe either of them the disclosure or is that none of their business?
A:There are very few things I think anyone owes someone when it comes to past dating information.
Is it more respectful to clue them in?
Is it kinder to just bury this info?
I dont think youhave totell either person about the fact that you were or are involved with their ex.
However, I think in this situation, its worth it to share for a few reasons.
(And I do think its likely that shell find out somehow.)
Say she mentions her ex in passing.
Are you going to pretend you dont know him?
Not telling her about this just puts you in an awkward position for the future.
There is one very overlooked conversational superpower that most people neglect: setting the tone.
You have the power to set the tone here use it!
That bit of vulnerability helps other people meet you on your level.
I also often include clues or hints about ways someone could respond.
Which yes, is a joke, but its also an out if that person wants to take it.
These mechanisms help the conversation to go more smoothly.
I really didnt know you two dated when we started talking.
I only found out when I saw a photo of you two on Instagram.
He and I dont talk anymore or anything, but again, just wanted to put it out there.
If theres anything you and I need to talk about, we can.
(Obviously I added in some details, yo fill in the actual truth.)
I mean, its a pretty big coincidence if its random.
Are you all part of the same niche online fandom?
Do you have mutual friends?
When exactly did you find out that she dated your ex-hookup?
The answers to these questions might change her perspective on the whole reveal.
As for letting him know that youre flirting with his ex-girlfriend, I dont think theres any point.
He has no need for this information on any level.
What would he do with it anyway?
(Other than be sad he missed out on two great partners.)
In that case, it could just end up being part of a funny story you tell people.
Just not your mutual ex.
Its A Pleasure appears here every other Thursday.
This article was originally published onNovember 28, 2022
