It’s A Pleasure
If theres one thing humans love to do, its compare ourselves to others sexually.
Q:My husband and I have been married for 5 years, together for 10.
Occasionally, when receiving a blow job, hell ask me to slow down but not usually.
Do you think hed prefer we try different things to make sex last longer?
Do people generally like longer sex or is anything that ends in an orgasm good?
(The latter is how I tend to feel personally.)
Is there any way I can ask him about this without making him feel bad for finishing quickly?
I know it can be a touchy subject for men.
I just want to see to it hes having the kind of sex he most enjoys!
Neither of us has had any other sexual partners, so Im not sure what’s normal.
A:When it comes to sex, whats normal is awhole lotless important than what feels good.
Normal has almost no bearing in the bedroom.
If you come from doing 27 jumping jacks, amazing!
Do 27 jumping jacks!
The best way to have sex is to do what you and your partner enjoy!
But all of this is rather irrelevantto you.
If theres one thing humans love to do, its compare ourselves to others sexually.
I want to make it so clear that you are not alone in doing this.
Its so much more often based on vague ideas we have about other people.
It turns out, staying in our own sex lanes is rather difficult.
Sincerely, you could take this worry off your plate.
It seems like you and your partner arent doing a whole lot of communicating when it comes to sex.
or even just How is our sex life for you?
Is there anything you would change?
This is all OK!
Its totally fine to not immediately and naturally fall into really great sex conversations!
Most of us are pretty mediocre at talking about sex for a lot of reasons.
Youve probably talked about cucumbers with more people than youve talked about sex!
You both probably havent had much opportunity to get good at chatting about sex with one another.
And certainly, your relationship can stay that way and survive.
Many, many, many couples dont communicate about sex and have long, loving relationships.
But I strongly urge you to strive for more!
You are only having sex with one person one!
You guys get to share this really beautiful, cool, hot, intimate thing withonlyeach other.
Its a little secret club.
There are a lot of parts of a romantic relationship that are not exclusive to your partner.
Yes, you joke with them, but you also joke with friends.
Yes, you share child care duties with them, but you also do with your childs preschool teacher.
Yes, you do family traditions with them, but you also do that with your children.
Thats just you two!
(Obviously, not all couples are monogamous, but from your letter, you seem to be).
That counts as communication!
you’re free to say, as sex is beginning, Do you want me to slow down?
or you might pose the question Hot and fast or slow and romantic tonight?
I absolutelydont think orgasms are the point of sex it should all be pleasurable.
But I really hope youre both as invested in you feeling good as you are in him feeling good.
Its A Pleasure appears here every Thursday.
