Gather Round
Let it fade, and you lose more than just juicy stories.
Recently, a close friend told me she was trying to get pregnant… and I wassurprised.
Like, its constant.
I found this sudden throwback refreshing.
So I laughed and said, Oh, my God, how so?
Our chat stayed with me long after that night.
The consensus: Sex has officially ghosted the 30-something group chat.
As people couple off into serious relationships, however, the vibe shifts from Guess what happened last night?
into something more general until, for some, it fades into oblivion.
Nah, that feels weird dont picture him like that!
says Sarah, 31.
But as the subject drifts away, our friendships lose a certain kind of connection.
Its time to bring back sex talk, even if it looks a little different this time around.
Theyd all spilled juicy tidbits in the past, but that night, the contrast was undeniably extreme.
As soon as I said it, I was mortified, Jess says.
Thats why some people limit their intimate conversations to those in the same boat.
I tend to talk about sex with friends who are also in serious relationships, says Shayla, 35.
I dont know for sure, but I think they prefer it this way.
Indeed, some do.
Others wish that wall wasnt up.
I had a higher desire than he did, and I felt some shame, she says.
(The kicker:Shes a licensed sex therapist.)
Few people are immune from occasionally feeling awkward.
But instead of taking spicy topics off the table, full stop, let the discussions evolve.
Long live sex talk!
How To Dive In
Clamming up or making assumptions about your friends feelings tends to create distance.
Instead, ask yourself why youre avoiding the subject.
Do you feel any jealousy or resentment?
Im sorry if I made it seem like the topic is off the table.
Then listen to what they have to say.
Also, dont shy away from getting explicit.
Jade, 27, recently got closer to a new friend when they each shared their favorite porn categories.
They wound up bonding over their mutual kink for religious iconography.
She says, Completely leaving sex out of conversations would feel like ignoring the elephant in the room.
If that makes you blush, go broad.
But now that I think about it… maybe that would be helpful knowledge for my friends!
(Yes, Gem.
Maybe it would!)
That openness is worth it.
Finally, take cues from this supportive pair: Molly*, 36, is single.
Her best friend is engaged.
Shes heard every detail about my threesome and listened patiently to my stories about drunken hookups, Molly says.
I love that she never judges me.
She absolutely passes the girls girl vibe check.
Still, even if your own bedroom is off-limits, you might join raunchier conversations.
Instead, those thoughts are safe with her group chat.
*Name has been changed for privacy.
She also hosts apodcastof the same name.
