Entertainment
The star ofCouples Therapygoes viral for dispensing tough love, not automatic affirmation.
Dr. Orna Guralnik is trying to solve a problem.
It has to have a certain arc that makes sense.
You want to yield results.
He thinks clinical work has prepared Guralnik for her new status as a celebrity psychoanalyst.
Guralnik has been informed of her popularity on TikTok, though she doesnt have her own account.
Fan-made clips with exalting captions like Orna has the patience [of] 3 saints!!
Her empathic tough-love approach also feels refreshing against the relentless validation of the current mental-health milieu.
Gaslighting is not a helpful concept, Guralnik says.
In her estimation, the messiness of life belies neat labels and tidy answers.
Were speaking in late October, and the Israel-Hamas war keeps coming up, prompted by seemingly unrelated topics.
Which can easily bring this to Israel-Palestine.
The conflict is personal for Guralnik.
She grew up in Israel and has family and friends there right now.
Since this war broke out, Guralnik says, my dreams are absolutely insane.
Theres a lot of defending, fighting, shooting.
Its incredible to me, the degree to which this war has infiltrated every corner of my mind.
I have no escape.
Guralnik has been having productive conversations with Palestinian colleagues.
And when I fail, Im going to loop back and try.
Being able to say, I see you.
I see whats bothering you, is huge, Guralnik says.
In addition to her own full-time practice, she teaches at NYU and the National Institute for the Psychotherapies.
Guralnik was a fan.
Plus, as the filmmakers have said many times, they just like her.
Its hard not to.
Behind Guralniks intellectual gravitas is a deep affection for the people she works with.
Guralnik was convinced to sign on when she realized her mission aligned with the creators: to demystify psychoanalysis.
And not just to strangers.
Though Guralnik cannot help but therapize me What would he say if you asked him about that?
she pointedly says when I make an offhand comment about my husband anybody who watchesCouples Therapyambiently absorbs its lessons.
The show models replicable ways of listening and asking questions, of our partners and ourselves.
Sometimes shell just say, incredibly slowly, Why?
or prompt someone to say more with a Because…
Shell call out insensitive behavior, but shell also tell you when youre getting in your own way.
But whats available to you are also really good things right there on the table.
The VHS tape is designed to enforce the feeling that you do not matter, Guralnik tells her.
That tape is your enemy.
That tape is your prison.
One example Guralnik gives is the division of labor in heterosexual relationships.
Emotional labor, child care, and taking care of the home often fall to women.
Its not fair, but thats the only way things will change.
Just turning to the guy and saying, Why dont you do more?
is not going to work.
Its fun to figure out, she says.
Its like a riddle: how to get to this person, how to get to this person.
How am I going to connect with them?
Unlike a discipline where the facts are what count, theres a lot of imagination and drama in psychoanalysis.
(Thats probably why its such good TV.)
We have a go at not only see shadows on the wall, she says.
Thats one of the reasons we do things with supervision.
Every patient that Ive taken in has changed me, Guralnik says.
And everything that happens, its kind of amazing.
They pull themselves out of rigidity or a selfishness or very traumatic life circumstances.
Its inspiring every time.
Every person does it differently.
They bring out some resources that you didnt know were there.
And they teach me how to do it when they do it.
If by this point youve imprinted on Guralnikand want her to fix you, join the club.
Thats sometimes a necessary phase, she says of patients liking their mental health professionals a little too much.
In a way, if people dont become really attached to their analyst, not enough work would happen.
The depth of attachment and connection to feeling is a door towards deeper work.
You dont have to think about anything.
And just the relief of an hour doing that is just amazing to me.
In person, Guralnik can certainly be that authoritative, and even sometimes bossy, presence.
This is the kind of experience we’re going to have.
We’re going to be traveling around the world together.
And we’re going to be developing something together.
So I think you should do it.
It will be good for you and I want it.
(She was right, of course.
I’m definitely glad that I followed, Rozmarin says.)
Though everyone thinks they want that yoga-level instruction, they would never do it.
Or their resistance would kick up so badly that they would sabotage the whole thing, Guralnik says.
Then they get to enjoy the space.
It feels like we all want to have done the work.
To have reached the summit of mental health.
To have put in our hours, dutifully completed our routines.
To get to enjoy being psychologically fitter, happier, more productive.
We all want the world to come to us and not have to do anything, Guralnik says.
I think feeling like youre changing is liberating, she says of our desire to get better.
Maybe weve been gaslighting ourselves to think otherwise.
