For 10 years, Ellie Goulding didnt stop.
So its this constant tugging and pulling back and forth.
Touring is like a break from reality.
When you go home youre suddenly thrust back into normal life.
I dont want to waste any more time worrying.
I really want to just do what I do without feeling scared of everything and everyone, she says.
I think having my son has given me equal vulnerability and strength at the same time.
Im trying to figure out how to work those with each other.
In your new Easy Lover video, one of the characters you play shreds on an electric.
Do you miss the instrument?
Then Ill have a year of festivals, I hope.
Thats the plan for me.
Id love to get to a point where its just all natural to me.
Ive been doing a few tours with no guitar.
Its weird, but I guess I was more focused on singing.
Who are your guitar inspirations?
Tom Morello, Jimi Hendrix, Eric Clapton although hes kind of a dick.
I think hes had some problematic moments for sure.
Thats a much more polite way of saying it.
Maybe its because Im a George Harrison fan!
Also Pearl Jams Michael McCready, Joni Mitchell.
I love Imogen Heap and Joan Baez.
Theres some great folk guitarists, but I used to like shredding.
As a teen, you were into nu-metal which artists did you gravitate toward?
God, so many.
There was Killswitch Engage and Spineshank.
[Laughs] I remember Spineshank.
It was always the Strokes and the Yeah Yeah Yeahs.
I love that band Glassjaw, more like hardcore.
I was a properKerrang!girl.
I dont remember much before age 10.
Every year there was this youth orchestra thing.
So I went and played clarinet, and my mum picked me up with my uncle.
They were both ravers.
They were playing house music, which was, at the time, the biggest thing.
So I was in the back raving with my sweets.
I remember feeling very free.
I felt like the music was passing into my soul.
As an orchestra kid, were you a fan of classical music?
My grandfather gave me a classical CD when I was 11.
Also, film soundtracks.
I care more about the music than I do about the actual film.
The way that James Horner did theTitanicsoundtrack?
The music would justkillme.
I love theGladiatorsoundtrack byLisa Gerrard she has her own band, which is amazing.
Whats a song that makes you feel like a kid again?
I guess like any boy band song or any Spice Girls song.
No I loved Boyzone first, and obviously Take That.
Take That were everything before the Spice Girls came along.
What was that experience like?
I find it really hard to be annoyed at that.
I can never be mad at young people discovering legends and legendary songs.
I never would have guessed that song would even do anything.
It didnt even chart in the UK.
Something connected to Americans and Canadians and people around the world, but not the UK.
It honestly did nothing in the UK.
Maybe people connect with me more here I guess theres more singers here like me.
Whereas here, those songs arent really well known.
Its interesting what different people appreciate in different places.
I feel I get a lot of love here.
Were you always comfortable with your singing voice?
It made me really, really insecure.
I was really affected by what other people thought of me.
I had impostor syndrome; I didnt think I deserved any success.
I was so apologetic and started trying to lift myself out of that.
It was this constant quest to be cool and not just be authentic.
I remember performing onSNL, and, like, Tina Fey was hosting.
Shes one of my heroes.
Even then, I was so apologetic about what I was doing.
God, I wish I could do that.
But now I can correct it a bit more and have more confidence in just who I am.
What music memories are you planning to pass down?
Im just going to take him to every gig.
I cant wait to see him watching me.
When you have a kid, you do just love them so much.
You cant predict the amount of love that you feel for your kid.
So the idea of him being proud of me gives me goose bumps.
But he sings and he dances.
One time, I discovered him on the sofa listening to bird noises.
When I sing, he always gives me this bewildered look.
Is there music that you associate with the beginnings of motherhood?
I was listening to theBig Little Liessoundtrack at the time, which is this dreamy soundtrack.
I was in hiding when I became pregnant.
We were right in the middle of the village.
If somebody saw me with a bump, it would have been common knowledge.
I wanted it to be very private and my own thing.
So we moved up to a cottage on a remote piece of land for six months.
Honestly, some of the best memories of my life.
It was impossibly small and cute.
The best thing was the horses.
There was a field of horses.
There was a really cool shop up the road so youd walk to that and get some soups.
Wed put the radio on.
It was definitely a time for radio, [BBC] Radio 1.
I was trying to not be anxious about it, so I wasnt listening to anything too intense.
I wanted lots of cheery pop songs at the time.
Whats an artist that immediately puts you in a good mood?
[They make] me walk along the streetpretending Im in a music video.
It makes me want to walk down the street and kick a door down.
[I like] the music she made with her ex-husband and Miike Snow in a band called Liv.
Theres a song calledWings of Love,which is great.
[She places her phone on the table and points to the cover.]
And that looks like a vagina.
This interview has been edited and condensed for clarity.
This article was originally published onAug.
