Relationships
Were our most attractive when were enjoying ourselves.
Esther Perel spends a lot of time listening to people talk.
I just said, We need to play, Perel tells Bustle.
I do a lot of role play in my work, but Im not a card person.
From there,Where Should We Begin?
the card game was born.
The storyteller then chooses the combination that appeals to them most and shares accordingly.
Days later, one partner sent the text the other person had described.
Now, they were teasing each other and igniting that spark, Perel says.
Through play, she adds, desire becomes not something youre working on, but something youre molding together.
You have so many other projects going on all the time.
What inspired the game?
I missed my friends.
I missed meeting new people and I missed the side of life that is spontaneous and curious and adventurous.
And I thought freedom in confinement comes to our imagination.
And our imagination is most unbridled when we play or when we create.
On your podcasts and in some of your books, you’ve spoken about how desire requires mystery.
And I think in the last year
Not much mystery.
How do you think all the time together at home has affected the desire dynamic for couples?
Its been very challenging for the majority of couples.
It has been a real dulling of the senses, no doubt.
Im made curious, and when Im curious, Im alert, Im leaning in.
I want to hear what you have to say andthatis erotic energy.
When I say that, Im not talking about sex per se.
And from that energy comes sex.
A community is the secondary and tertiary people.
So now there is a return to the community.
Then the second thing is friendship.
People are extensively looking for purpose and are not prepared to just do stuff that doesnt matter.
If theres any connection, its a correlation, not a causation.
That there are many ways to make a family.
Whats one piece of advice you would give to couples who feel a little stuck right now?
But when you see somebody truly enjoy themselves, theyre attractive.
Because when they are thoroughly enjoying themselves, they dont need you.
This interview has been condensed and edited for clarity.
This article was originally published onDec.
