Life
For women in long-running relationships, crushes can be a way to feel alive again.
What could go wrong?
Last fall, Lauren* had what some might call a wet dream about her toddlers preschool teacher.
This is a man who, in her conscious life, she had never had an untoward thought about.
It was as if Laurens subconscious had created a human embodiment of her deepest, most unmet longings.
The intimacy of it felt weird, sure, but mostly innocent more emotional than physical.
So she felt safe joking about it with her husband and friends.
Yet as the dreams continue to recur, the feelings they bring up dont necessarily vanish when she wakes.
Lauren has no intention of acting on these urges of course not!
It makes the daily drudgery of school drop-off a whole lot more interesting.
Elise, 47, a suburban mother of three, gets a related fix from two different friends husbands.
We call it a boy battery, she says.
I find that really powerful.
These women are seeking a little extra battery power, sure.
But theyre keeping it in their pants, so to speak.
That said, sometimes these crushes do veer uncomfortably close to real life.
Colleagues tease Elizabeth, a 49-year-old publicist, about the goofy, self-deprecating comedian she met through work.
Every time he calls, my voice goes up about three octaves, she says.
I had to pretend I couldnt find him backstage, she says.
Remember that guy I f*cking lost my mind over?
says my friend Taylor, 43, from Los Angeles.
How could I forget?
Around him, Taylor acted like an overheated schoolgirl.
I would wait to open emails from him, just to savor them, she says.
I would find my way to sit next to him at lunch or, like, brush shoulders.
If her husband had suggested she slog through the slush in those shoes, shed have laughed.
For several months, Taylor relished this illicit little secret.
It was fun, energizing; it made her heart race.
But part of what made it so hot in the first place was that shedidnthave to bring it home.
It was her own private thrill, distinct from the sometimes oppressive mind meld of coupledom.
It kind of just feeds the larger gambit, right?
(My words, not theirs.)
Plenty, says Naomi Bernstein, Psy.D., a clinical psychologist specializing in couples therapy.
You knew the bucket of ice water was coming sometime, didnt you?
Boom, all of a sudden, what felt very safe is now a real thing.
Which is why that feeling can be so addictive when we discover it elsewhere.
Sometimes, the search for external battery power can be habit-forming in itself.
Still, sometimes Corinne cant help longing for the charge of a new battery.
I almost wish I did have a crush again?
Its a fun energy to have sweeping through.
*Some names and identifying details have been changed for the purposes of anonymity.
