Quick Question
Joy is our lifeblood, says activist Valarie Kaur.
Valarie Kaur remembers the first time she heard a racial slur.
Get up, you black dog, a boy said to her in the schoolyard.
Kaur, a California native and Sikh American, had never considered herself different before.
Besides, her family had settled in the United States more than a century prior.
But in that moment, she felt a seedling of self-doubt.
Did she belong here?
Kaur turned to her grandfather.
Nearly 20 years later, that framework was put to the test.
Kaur was starting her junior year at Stanford when the World Trade Center was attacked.
In the month following the attacks, the Sikh Coalition recorded300 cases of violence and discriminationagainst Sikh Americans.
I called him uncle, she says.
Now 40, shes dedicated her career to confronting hate, writ large.
How would revolutionary love apply to the playground bully?
The wise woman in me [would now say], We need this little guy.
… We just don’t need [him] in charge, she says.
Here, she talks to Bustle about how to live with love at the forefront.
Tell me about the meaning of your books title.
What does it mean to see no stranger?
You write about applying this mindset to opponents and even to people who act in hate.
Whats your advice for people who might find that difficult?
It’s all about timing.
Your role is to stay alive.
There is no such thing as monsters in this world.
There are only human beings who are wounded.
In social justice work, change can befrustratingly slow.
How do you manage that frustration and keep moving forward?
I had an all-out crisis.
I left my job at Stanford Law [as a fellow at theCenter for Internet and Society].
I began to ask myself, what really creates change?
That was my reckoning moment.
That’s when I realized, Oh, I might not see this in my lifetime.
My children might have to fight the same fight.
And how do you stay positive through that journey?
Joy returns us to everything that is good and beautiful and worth fighting for.
Joy gives us energy for that long labor.
Who do you turn to for advice or support?
They were waiting for the ferry at the marina.
An irate woman turned to them and said, Go back to your country.
My father was hard of hearing and had to have my son tell him what the lady had said.
They came home totally shaken.
So I was putting my son to sleep that night.
I thought he was asleep, and my mind was just racing, right?
Suddenly [he says,] Mommy, I not hear you bweathing!
Bweathe and push, Mommy, just bweathe and push.
So, Im curious, whats the best advice youve ever gotten?
It wasn’t spoken advice, but it was a thing my mother taught me.
I felt that rush through my body, and I thought, Oh,thisis love.
Ive always found that love is more than [just] a rush of emotion.
Love is sweet labor.
This interview has been edited and condensed for clarity.
