It’s A Pleasure
Ive tried moving on, but nobody else compares to him.
Q:How do I get over someone I never dated?
What can I do?
Im bored of this now.
No one is going to Venmo you $78 if you get over this guy as expediently as possible.
It will take the time it takes.
The time will pass anyway regardless of how often you ruminate.
I just dont think youll get much mileage out of beating yourself up for this process not happening faster.
I also think that there are some things you dont ever fully get over and thats OK.
Some people are hard to move on from.
Not in a depressing, this-is-going-to-define-your-life kind of way.
Hes notthe one that got away.
Its a romantic fantasy that just doesnt hold up in real life.)
I just think some crushes leave a bit of an indelible mark.
Certain people become loadbearing in our construction of desire.
You dont need to get over anyone 100%.
Getting to 89% might be enough.
That will not block you from future relationships.
It will not mean that you cant give someone your whole heart later love does not work like that.
Love is a present thing, an active thing.
One thing that I hope you know is that youre likelyidealizing him.This is, sadly, unavoidable.
Which is lovely, but its not true.
Was your life more carefree?
Did you have a different job?
A better financial situation?
What parts of that time do you miss other than him?
You say that none of you handled things well.
Im not asking you to go punish yourself for past misdeeds out of nowhere.
But perhaps there are some lessons to be learned and peace to be made from what you did.
How do you wish you responded?
What do you regret?
Can you forgive yourself and still hold yourself accountable?
I cant imagine it was very easy for them to navigate your crush.
What made it seem like he was worth potentially risking a best friendship?
Maybe these questions can help you solve the puzzle of why youre still hung up on this person.
Did you feel heard?
Did you like the attention?
Did you connect over a certain topic or hobby?
Did you feel funny?
Time is part of love!
I promise you, though, someday, it will.
Its A Pleasure appears here every other Thursday.
If you have a sex, dating, or relationship question,fill out this form.
This article was originally published onAug.
