It’s A Pleasure
Accept that you cant do it all.
Q:I am a curvy woman, size 18-20.
I haveissues with body confidenceand have worked really hard on myself to get to a place where Im confident.
However, Ive been on dating apps recently and have not been getting any attention whatsoever.
A:I am, at my very core, againstdating apps.
I would never have picked my boyfriend on a dating app for a hookup or otherwise.
Its not that I think hes bad-looking (obviously!
Also, a lot of his photos were funny pictures and I cant deal with that.
Im not suggesting that dating apps neverwork.
Obviously they do, otherwise none of us would be using them.
They can and have worked many times, but its the exception and not the rule.
You dont get any of that info in any kind of meaningful way.
What youre left with is a deck of cards someone put some faces on and a bad magic trick.
So why did it used to work better for you and it isnt right now?
Its not because of your profile photo or your bio.
Its not because ofMercury retrogradeor the level of self-love youre feeling at the moment.
Its just… algorithms and apps.
Its a house of cards built to make some guy who drinks Bulletproof coffee a lot of money.
Much easier said than done, of course.
It doesnt work like that.
The work of undoing what the rest of society has done shouldnt fall only on you.
Every month on the 27th, it’s possible for you to have a wallow day.
Youre doing those things.
Im sure of it because if youre dating and youre curvy, most of those things are necessary.
Youre putting yourself out there.
You arent filled with self-loathing.
The assumption that youmust do more is a little bit fatphobic, I find.
Go easy on yourself.
Them finding you doesnt determine your worth.
In the meantime, youre allowed to be impatient.
Just dont let it stop your life.
Keep doing things that make you feel happy, and if that doesnt include dating apps, fantastic.
Theyre only making you feel worse right now, it sounds like, andthey arent working.
Its A Pleasure appears here every Thursday.
This article was originally published onSep.
