The other major issue we have is his ex-girlfriend.
When I met him, we were just friends and I was in a relationship.
(I wasn’t seeing anyone else my then-boyfriend had relocated and we broke up some months after.)
I believed him and there was evidence to prove that.
But for some reason, Im not comfortable with the fact that they communicate at all.
They seem to not be able to stop speaking to each other.
He usually obliges and starts taking her calls or texts when she reaches out.
Hes always livid that I dont take him at his word and trust and believe his actions.
I have stumbled on their chats sometimes, and it’s always platonic.
I’m worried about investing time into this relationship only to have him realize he wants her.
Hes told me he hasn’t given me any reasons to think such and truthfully, he hasn’t.
I just have this phobia and insecurity around it.
I think hes an amazing guy and I wouldn’t want to lose him over this.
kindly can you help me navigate this?
A:It would be the pleasure of my life to help you navigate this!
Hes frankly awful, and I got that from a letter written by a person who loves him.
Lets make like Maria von Trapp and start at the very beginning.
But then you wrote an entire letter where none of that is true.
OK, so what about the rest?
Amazing people dont lie or cheat like he is.
Hes certainly not kind.
And most damning of all, based on your letter, he hasnt prioritized you once.
Lets break down the ways this man is being cruel.
Consider this list anytime you feel your resolve to walk away weakening.
But thats advice for another day.
What on Gods green earth are you doing still dating this man?
He outright lied to you.
Thats a lie at the very least and some would say cheating.
But not if they lie to you!
Lying is a deal-breaker, bar none.
And then we find out he was having sex without condoms?
(Dont do that, its illegal and bad.)
I dont mean to override what you both agreed upon, but thatscheating.
you could choose to forgive him but thats a major violation of the trust of your relationship.
But this man isnt done, is he?
He then tells you hes trying to stop talking to someone.
Theres no such thing as trying to stop talking to someone.
You just… stop.
What does he even mean that hes trying?
You cannot tryto stop cheating.
You even say they seem not to be able to stop talking to each other.
They both have the ability to stop talking.
This isnt some Herculean task.
They simply dont want to stop talking to each other and they wont.
They have no need to because youre showing with your actions that youre actually OK with it.
Yes, I know youve gotten mad.
Let me be perfectly clear on a couple of things, too.
He doesnt want to be her friend.
Theyre not friends, theyre horny exes.
You shouldnt worry that youre investing time in this relationship only for him to realize he wants her back.
You cannot let yourself believe him or trust him because he hasnt done a single trustworthy thing.
You have been begginghim to be good to you and guess what?
In an actually healthy relationship, you dont have to ask the other person to be good.
They wantto treat you well.
They dont want to talk to their ex because they actually want to be with you.
And even if they have a completely platonic friendship with their ex which is certainly possible for some people!
they nevermake you doubt or question their commitment to you because they dont cross boundaries.
Hes always livid that I dont take him at his word and trust and believe his actions.
You absolutely should trust and believe his actions.
Theres no fixing a relationship like this.
yo, believehis actions.
Believe that he doesnt care about your relationship.
Believe that he wants to cheat on you.
Trust that he is doing everything he can to bend the boundaries you two have.
Trust that he will not prioritize you over the weak flirtation of this other woman.
Trust him and then do yourself the biggest favor of your life and leave him.
I really hope he doesnt have mysterious car trouble.
Its A Pleasure appears here every Thursday.
This article was originally published onJuly 7, 2022
