Relationships
The last thing you want to do is mirror their behavior.
They may even shut you out or give backhanded compliments.
Its like what you do to a boss you dont like, Madden says.
By being dramatic about it, they make that prediction come true.
Everyone deals with hurt feelings and conflict in their own way.
The last thing you want to do is mirror their behavior and cause even more distance in the relationship.
I hear what youre saying, and I apologize if my actions made you feel that way.
That wasnt my intention.
Can we maybe talk about how this may have been a miscommunication?
This is a good way to deescalate a tense conversation and not play into the passive-aggressive behavior.
I think we should talk about whats going on with us.
But as psychotherapist and writer,Emily Mendez, M.S.
EdS, tells Bustle, thats the last thing you should do.
Then make a run at meet them in person to go over your concerns, Mendez says.
Im feeling hurt by whats happening right now.
If youre dealing with someone whos passive aggressive, its important to be direct.
Skirting around an issue wont solve any problems.
In fact, Mendez says, some people dont even realize that theyre being passive aggressive.
Its just the way they deal with conflict or negative emotions.
Be kind, but upfront about what you notice and how you feel, Mendez says.
to minimize the potential for more conflict, stick to I statements.
This approach puts the focus on you so youre more likely to receive a positive response.
“Walk me through your thought process.
Walk me through your thought process or Whats going on in your head right now?
Walk me through your thought process on why you think that is.
Your partner may realize that the real issue isnt what they initially thought.
“I think I misunderstood something.
Can you go over that one more time?”
Sending this text is another way to get clarity on whats really going on in someones head.
Let’s say the partner is indirectly communicating their anger by giving you the silent treatment, Hudson says.
Let me know when you are ready to talk.”
If you go this route, be sure to remain calm and avoid becoming passive aggressive yourself.
Its easy to get frustrated and respond with a sarcastic, OK, I guess everything is fine then.
Can we talk over the phone or meet up in person?
According to Madden, trying to work things out via text may make a bad situation much worse.
Our relationship is important to me.
Let me understand what is happening for you.
EdS, psychotherapist and writer
Ashley Hudson, licensed marriage and family therapist
