Settle Up
Settling down and settling for are not synonymous.
If you go in with a hard and fast checklist, you may lose out on some great options.
Youre not looking for the perfect person youre finding a partner thats perfect enough to marry.
My husband, for example, is incapable of folding a towel.
During moments like these, ask yourself what youll tolerate to get what you really need.
Its important to know what your values are and what your non-negotiable must-haves are, Aslanian says.
Oftentimes, people get that wrong.
The tricky part is the traits that attract you arent necessarily values-based ones that help a relationship endure.
Who hasnt been seduced by someones shapely ass in hot pants or wicked sense of humor?
The problem is those fall into the want category, not need.
Aslanians not being a hater its just that you havent addressedyour core needs, which are values-based.
Ask yourself: Are they honest?
Do they want to have a family?
Do they share your views on deep-rooted issues like religion and finances?
If your former partner kept secrets from and betrayed you, one of yourcore values might be trustworthiness.
What if we reframed the term settling when it comes to relationships?
Are You Getting In Your Own Way?
The terms settling down and settling for are not synonymous.
By keeping yourself single and alone, you dont have to take any romantic risks, she says.
At a certain point, you oughta get out of your head and focus on yourheart and gut feelings.
Aslanian suggests asking yourself: Do I feel safe?
Do I feel comfortable?
Do I feel loved?
Can I see myself with this person in two years, three, or five years?
Alternatively, am I tensed up?
Am I worried about whether theyre going call tomorrow or decide theyre too good for me?
Do I really enjoy their personality, or are they just hot?
Your person wasnt created to your specifications with the sole purpose of making you happy.
None of these issues is necessarily a deal-breaker if youre both open to learning how to create a solution.
You cant change somebody else, Aslanian says.
You just cant do the work for them.
