Dating
Just a heads up, you’re going to have to leave your house.
I made a powerpoint to send them with a few ways to chat up strangers, she says.
With the exception ofZoom datesand strained, distanced park hangs, we stopped meeting new people.
As a result, we got evenmore lonely.
It’s hard because COVID is acute, Virginia says, but loneliness is chronic.
You feel it deeply.
It’s ever-present, and it gets worse and worse.
One study said that lonelinessis like the equivalent of smoking 15 cigarettes a day.
But now, with vaccines widely available the potential for casual encounters to become magical meet-cutes has been restored.
After a year off, oursocial skills have gone rusty.
How do you think app fatigue is going to play out in the next few years?
What’s interesting, as you were talking, I started thinking aboutfad diets.
People like silver bullets right?
Youve got to screen for the right person, double-check that you’re on the same page.
I think it’s actually a great opportunity to have those tougher conversations, and set those boundaries.
That can be hard.
It’s something I struggled with in dating.
I wanted to come across as, Oh, I’m super casual and easy.
I’m not one of those high maintenance people.
And now it’s just kind of owning that.
We all need to be a little high maintenance and set those boundaries for our own safety.
So yeah, define what your comfort zone is and then date within those parameters.
Do you think people are approaching dating differently this fall?
Should we expect a cuffing season as usual?
It’s a good question.
I would say cuffing season has just kind of been extended with COVID right now.
We dont know how long it’s going to go on.
So it could go either way.
Ive got to find someone."
What are the most effective ways for people to go out and make new connections this fall?
Go outside and do things if it’s possible for you to.
Go looking for those.
Do you have any specific tips for finding that stuff?
I went through this when I moved.
I posted on Facebook, I’m moving to Chicago, I’m in the city.
Does anyone know anyone?
Someone [will].
I would say start there, and then Google outdoor activities, hiking groups, meetup.com, Eventbrites.
Talk to your neighbors if you live in an apartment complex.
You mentioned that some of your clients reached out to you last year about forging new platonic relationships.
Whats the difference between making friendship connections and making romantic connections offline?
It’s actually thesame process.
Or it starts out as a friendship, and then in a few months blossoms into a romantic connection.
It’s really just the same.
What are some ways people can assess, is this a good match for me?
Or did I rush into something because I didn’t want to go through winter 2020 all over again?
We defined honesty differently.
Just a simple, How do you define honesty?
can be asked on the first date.
I wish I had known to start those conversations earlier in a lot of relationships.
It’s not grilling someone, but it’s really getting into why they define their values that way.
Have you had someone be dishonest with you?
How did that feel?
What did that look like?
Oh, we both like this band.
You end up basing connection on keywords instead of chemistry or value-based judgments.
That’s a great point.
It’s kind of a way to feel in control in the process, right?
It’s a safety thing, and it creates this false sense of identity for the other person.
You don’t know anything else, just that they have the same similar taste buds to you.
You describe yourself as being socially anxious and introverted.
How did you push past that and what are your tips for others looking to do the same?
I just got tired of being lonely and feeling like I missed the memo on how to make friends.
Id kind of felt that way since high school, and I really found my social circle in college.
But I had to be intentional.
I mean, its like I told my clients (pre-COVID).
“Well, do you expect a guy to knock on your door?
You’re going to meet zero people if you dont go out.”
So youve got to take that first step.
Just don’t take a bigger bite that you’re free to chew.
Camille Virginiais a dating coach and author ofThe Offline Dating Method.
This interview has been condensed and edited for clarity.
