Love
Try asking these 13 questions.
On a first date, you have one job: get to know each other.
After youve coveredthe basics jobs, siblings, neighborhoods you might want to dive a little deeper.
Unfortunately, launching a full-blown investigation is typically frowned upon.
(What was your favorite thing about your ex?
What are your biggest fears?
By the way, Ive always wanted to plant hydrangeas outside my house someday what do you think?
Oh, youre allergic?)
So, how do you scope out who this person really is?
How well do you actually know each other?
Its inspired by the authors own road to finding love.
She spent most of her 20s single, punctuated by romantic stints that lacked authentic connection and quickly fizzled.
I was losing myself, says the writer and TV producer.
I found myself answering their questions the way I thought they wanted to hear.
Despite thelong distance,they fell for each other over FaceTime.
Behind a screen, Roth finally felt like she could open up.
What am I looking for?
I wrote this book not because I was standing on a mountaintop preaching about healthy love, she says.
I came up with a tool that I really needed and wish I had when I was single.
Did you have pets growing up?
You know whats terrifying to hear on a first date?
Tell me about your childhood.
Even if you had a harmonious upbringing, you still feel transported to a therapists couch.
Enter: a sneaky way to get the same kind of info.
Maybe their feline-loving dad adopted a hairless cat named Wrinkles to accommodate his new girlfriends allergy.
Maybe they hate snakes because their brother used their slimy pet to play pranks.
Whats on your bucket list?
But if you discover a shared ambition torun a marathon,youve found a training buddy.
What makes you feel better when youre sick?
For example, Roth suggests, Its winter and you show up at the bar.
Youre taking your hat off and you say, It feels like everyone is sick right now.
When Im sick, I just like to stay in bed and listen to music.
you’re able to catch that many fish?
Itll uncover stories from their Boy Scout days or their annual lake trip with their high school friends.
Keep the curiosity going.
The right person wont feel grilled.
Thats not the only perk.
What does that mean to you?
Saying a prayer before you go to bed?
Having crystals on your nightstand?
Ask sooner rather than later.
Otherwise, you might find yourself falling for someone who doesnt actually fit what youre seeking.
How do you fight?
To keep your clashes healthy, get this one out of the way early on.
Roth learned this during one of her firstargumentswith The Brit (now her husband).
Why dont we argue?
It might sound counterintuitive, but if your relationship is hunky-dory perfection 24/7, you could actually have troublecommunicating.
Are you holding something in?
Is there something you dont feel totally comfortable sharing?
Do it’s crucial that you work on that?
When it comes to finances…
The most important question is not how muchmoneythey make, Roth says.
Try:
Since money touches every aspect of our lives, these conversations should happen early and often.
Its a sensitive subject for many people, but you could ease into it by opening up first.
(Or whatevers true for you.)
Pick a low-pressure location.If youretalking about sex,I dont recommend you do it in bed.
Avoid the phrase, We have to talk.When you hear those words, you start freaking out.
Establish your intentions.Start with, I want to bring up something thats important to me.
Say, There are a few things Im nervous to talk about.
Can we set a time aside to have a conversation about whats been on my mind?
If youre afraid to bring something up, blame Roth.Say, I read this book.
Is it OK if we go through a series of questions to double-check were covering all our bases?
When you dig deep, you could strengthen your relationship or realize its time to walk away.
