He’s hot, thoughtful, and takes such good care of me.
Will this get better with time?
That sorarely resembles anything life throws at us.
This has stuck with me a lot.
hey trust yourself enough to know that.
Future happiness, like weather patterns and tantrum triggers of a toddler, is very hardto predict.
(Seriously, theres an entire book about how bad we are at this calledStumbling on Happiness.
)c’mon know that no matter what you do, you will be happy in the future.
At some point, youll also be crying on the cold, hard ground.
No matter what choices you make, you will experience joy and pain and rooftop parties and itchy sweaters.
That is all coming for you.
The idea that life experience comes from having multiplepartners is very false.
Or at least… flimsy.
And I guess on some level, yeah!
But seeing a new penis is not going to make you wiser.
Your youth doesnt have to be dedicated to chasing wild flings and new relationships.
They want to get the chance to be reckless, to go wild, to makebadchoices.
),orif theyre really, really, really good, the same thing as what youre experiencing now.
The problem with simply wanting more is that theres never a way to fulfill your desire.
The bewildering truth of life is that, wherever you go, there you are.
Most long-term relationships are not going to feel thrilling and new and sexy every day.
They are going to feel warm and lovely and comfortable.
Its sad and hard to confront the idea that perhaps life is just… this, forever.
Your relationship is not always going to look like this.
You are not One Set Person and neither is your boyfriend.
What else could you do with your life that would bring excitement thatisntromantic or sexual?
How can you validate wanting more adult experiences without leaving him?
What is the fear of staying?
All of that said, I also know yearning like you wouldnt believe.
At least 82% of my time is spent longing to live my life again, and differently.
When people are like, You couldnt pay me to go back to middle school!
Im like I would payyou!!
I want to do youth again and last Tuesday again.
I want to do it all.
But maybe this isnt about craving a do-over.
Maybe the timing of your relationship simply isnt right, even if the person is good.
You dont need to wait around, gathering up proof that youre unhappy enough to leave.
You dont need to present a PowerPoint begging to be released from an imaginary contract.
You get to leave because something isnt working for you right now.
Even if even if!
Listen to me closely!
Even if it might be hypothetically right to be together in the future.
You might be thinking,But, Sophia!
What if I never find love again?OK, first of all, thats not going to happen.
I mean, what if you get sucked into a jet engine one day?
You will love and be loved again.
(You will probably not get sucked into a jet engine.)
I do not know what that next love will look like, and you very well may regret leaving.
You might also regret staying.
And that will probably be sad on occasion.
It doesnt make it wrong.
The present is your life, too.
You are allowed to make choices for yourself in the present because they work for younow.
I know Ive weighed in on both sides.
But perhaps something I said made a small fist inside your heart unclench a little.
Try not to make this decision out of fear.
And then be brave and go after that.
Its A Pleasure appears here every other Thursday.
