It’s A Pleasure
Its time to hit the block button.
Q:My ex and I dated for seven years and broke up two years ago.
We want different things in life, and we have different priorities and values.
Im so much happier now, and I know he is, too.
I see the places he visits, the sandwiches he eats, the new girl hes dating.
Sometimes its like I go to his account purely to hurt my own feelings.
Its like pressing on a bruise or picking at a scab.
Actually thats a fantastic metaphor, because I feel like its keeping me from healing all the way.
But I cant stop!!!!
Why am I so obsessed with checking up on him when I have no desire to be with him?
(Im dating someone else!
Its going great!!)
It makes me feel bad every time I do it, and yet, I cant stop.
Will I do this for the rest of my life?
Is it OK to do this for the rest of my life?
If I want so badly to stop checking his Instagram, why cant I just freaking STOP?
(I did not.)
Its almost eerie that love that deep can fade or end.
I think we all have a fascination with our exes and where they are to some degree.
I wasnt even in love with my ex, and Im still utterly gripped by his milestone developments.
Even my incredibly stoic and non-sentimental boyfriend occasionally looks up his exes!
In fact,everyone I know does!
And if we didnt have social media to check, wed be wondering about them just the same.Thatis normal.
In fact, it seems to be actively harming you.
So why cant you stop?
I have some guesses, but I also think the answer is multifaceted.
Perhaps you miss the person you were when you were together, even if you dont miss him.
Alternatively, sometimes our brains are just d*cks.
Someday this man and his life will become less interesting to you.
Im not saying youll never have the urge to check in on him.
I think you will!
Again, very human and normal.
The key right now is to figure out how to change your habits, not your desires.
My absolute strongest recommendation is to block him on everything.
By then, you might not even be that excited about it.
Until Jan. 27, remind yourself that you dont actuallylikechecking in on his Instagram.
Learning Portuguese, being more present with your current partner, or becoming a certified scuba instructor.
I promise you could and will stop and it will feel really good when you do.
Its A Pleasure appears here every Thursday.
If you have a sex, dating, or relationship question, email Sophia atBustleSexAdvice@gmail.com.
