Me and My Meds
A 31-year-old woman recalls the week that changed her views on her mental health prescriptions.
When I was 10, I was diagnosed both with Asperger’s syndrome and clinical depression.
At the time, Id never heard of Aspergers.
My treatment team started me on Celexa and Seroquel pretty much right away.
Celexa was prescribed to treat my clinical depression.
Before bed, Id take my night meds.
Other than that, I just lived my life.
It was an easy routine to just follow, so I never thought about it much.
I’ve always felt fortunate for the support I received.
Shed call me and point it out: Look, they’re talking about Aspergers.
Theyre saying Einstein had it, or something like that.
Ive never met that person.
When you wear glasses, you could see how blurry the world looks with your glasses off.
It doesnt work that way for the kinds of meds I was taking.
They were so ever-present in my life that taking them felt like life itself.
They told me that it would take a few days until they could get everything taken care of.
Honestly, I was kind of arrogant about it.
I just thought, Oh, that’ll be fine.
What can a few days off my meds do?
Well, a few days could do a lot, as I unfortunately discovered.
After Id been off my meds for a day, I had a full-on meltdown.
I had panic attacks.
I couldn’t make it to class.
I could barely get out of bed.
I was in hell.
I wasnt having any problems with friends or my studies or anything but off my meds, I spiraled.
I certainly had never been off of both of them for multiple days.
I know some people in my generation who still think of medication as dulling or severing your personality.
Theyll say, You’re not you on medication.
This hasnt been my experience at all.
Instead, for me, I learned when I don’t have my pills, Im not me!
I felt like an entirely different person.
And I didn’t like her.
Just a total mess.
They dont dull my personality they allow me to have my personality and function day to day.
Since this scary moment, I have a newfound respect for how powerful my meds are.
I’ve been meticulous about taking them.
Im like a hawk when it comes to making sure I have refills on deck.
I cant risk that kind of event happening again.
I have a full-time job.
If I lost control like that again, it would be a disaster.
It’s like everybody I speak with has this connection to medication; everybody has a story.
