The day Ellie died was the worst day of my life.
These are deep traumas that most people, luckily, never endure.
But none of those tragedies prepared me for losing my kid.
Yes, I call my dog my kid, my daughter, and my child.
And no, I wont apologize for it.
Because if you had asked that tiny creature who her mother is, she would have said me.
I got Ellie when I was 14 years old.
Influenced by theferal-chic glamour of Paris Hiltonand her dog Tinker Bell, I wanted a Chihuahua of my own.
Chihuahuas are mean, theyre yippy, they bite, he said.
If you want one, youre going to have to get a job and buy it yourself.
Spoiler alert: Thats exactly what I did.
At 14, I got the only job in my small town for someone so young: detasseling.
Every morning at 4 a.m.
I walked through corn fields, pulling the pollen tassel out of each plant.
Ellie was finally mine.
From the second I got her, that doe-eyed angel was the light of my life.
She wanted her mom and no one else.
Ellie was by my side through high school and visited when I moved away to college.
In the final of her 14 years, the vets we frequented often commented on our bond.
Even by usual Dog Mom standards, we were incredibly close.
After 1.5 years of all-day-every-day quality time during lockdown, her death hit me hard.
I spent the following days sobbing on the couch, her absence louder than my screams.
I clutched her tiny collar to my chest, yearning for the closeness I would never again have.
Thats when I realized I needed a more permanent momento.
Our bond and my grief couldnt be confined to an Instagram post and a few months of tears.
People can have different ways of grieving, which is not linear, Shah says.
Tattoos are meant to be as grief [is] permanent in the lives of the bereaved.
After chatting with Shah, I decided to get a fourth tattoo.
This time, however, I wanted her face a realist portrait of her mamma?
expression, the one she used to give when she wanted something (in this case, attention).
Right before the anniversary arrived, I got an offer that felt like fate frompet accessory company BarkBox.
Though I had already planned to get the ink, this felt like a sign from the universe.
I cried throughout the process, as her beautiful face emerged in each new layer of ink.
Now, when I look down, I see my sweet girl looking back up at me once more.
Kim captured her soul, her energy, better than any of my photographs.
Each time I see my new tattoo, I feel like shes here with me.
This, Kim says, is a recent shift hes noticed in the design requests of his clients.
Previously, the aesthetic of the pet tattoo and its attractiveness was the focus.
Known for his shockingly realistic style, dog tribute tattoos are a common occurrence in Kims day-to-day.
According to him, my tears were nowhere near abnormal.
This article was originally published onAug.
