I moved out of our apartment and in with my parent and became a caretaker for them.
Other than going to work, I put ALL of my energy into them for a year.
Dating wasnt an option, and sex with a stranger during a pandemic was absolutely off the table.
But heres what Im stuck on: If not this guy I went to school with, then who?
A:Look, Im never going to recommendagainstthe heady combo that is therapy and smoking something.
Far be it from me to instruct anyone to shun those twomedicallybackedways of tackling grief and anxiety.
(There are many, many articles about weed helping people with grief!)
That said, its actually not my suggestion or, at least, not my only one.
First (and perhaps hardest) things first, you have got to give yourself a break.
Think about what youd say to a friend in your exact same situation.
Either that or you would say, Global pandemic is a little redundant.
But still, I know youd have a whole heap of compassion in your heart toward my situation.
Grief is a multi-car accident.
Of course meds and therapy havent fixed this grief.
Its totally unacceptable, this amount of grief.
Will medication and therapy change the grief or at least what youre capable of handling?
Will they fix anything?
And I would argue gently that grief is not a thing to be fixed.
Grief is of value.
Not to be allWandaVision,but grief is love.
You do not want medication that makes that go away.
Fun, wild, uninhibited sex even!
You havent forgotten any key pieces of information.
You have all the info you need.
You know how to communicate with partners.
You know at least some of thestuff you likeor have liked in the past.
Thats all sex is!
You are not ill-equipped for hard things.
If you know youwantto hook up with this guy, you might try not giving yourself an out.
venture to push through the awkwardness and discomfort of it all with 20 seconds of insane courage.
(Yes, this is fromWe Bought a Zoo,but its still good advice.)
Consider also giving him a heads up so he doesnt assume your hesitation is a lack of interest.
Its not about you at all.
When youdofind yourself in the OMG-Im-about-to-hook-up-with-this-person moment (and you will!
), my sole piece of advice is to let go much easier said than done, of course.
Its sex; its meant to be fun!
Its the same as going bowling or playing Yahtzee or whatever activities people under 64 are doing.
Its a fun thing two people are doing together.
Its not a measure of your worth.
Its not a compatibility test.
Its not a gift you give someone because theyve flirted with you for X amount of time.
This isnt indicative of all the sex youre ever going to have.
Is going out better than staying in when it comes tomeeting people?
But I dont think putting yourself in boring-to-you situations lends itself to finding heart-stopping romantic connections.
My suggestion is to simplyfill upyour life with things that feel good.
(And that includes sitting on the couch for a certain percentage of your time!!!)
Just fill it up.
The more good things, the better.
Steal joy wherever you’re free to.
There are already too many unpleasant things we have to suffer through in this life.
If getting quasi-rejected viadating appsor slogging through a speed dating event isnt your bag, skip it.
Let life unfold; let yourself meet people while youre doing things you actuallylikedoing.
Its A Pleasure appears here every Thursday.
If you have a sex, dating, or relationship question, email Sophia at BustleSexAdvice@gmail.com.
This article was originally published onJan.
