Upon Further Inspection
Like my boss, my landlord, and my ex.
Personally, I dont need to make anyNew Years resolutions I flossed 80% of the last two nights.
This isnt to say I havent noticed quite a few others who might benefit from a bit of progress.
And to sell me any remainingTaylor Swift ticketsas soon as you find them.
Florence Pugh:Resolve to be in at leastmostmovies, since you universally improve them.
Mark Zuckerberg:Resolve to stop pushing Reels.
We dont need them; we already have TikTok.
Addison Rae:Resolve to teach me how to do my eyeshadow like yours.
The United States government:Resolve to do far more, but quietly.
I want to feel the improvements, but I definitely dont want tohearfrom you.
Ive only gotten locked out four times this year down from nine in 2021!
And have I mentioned I floss?
My dirty gums willnotbe staining your apartment.
My boss:Resolve to give me a raise.
Or, at the very least, politely stay silent as Iquiet-quit.And then give me a raise.
The planet:Resolve tocool down,just a little.
But no pressure or anything.
Not too much time.
But some, OK?
Netflix:Resolve to stop puttingLove is Blindat the top of moms suggestions.
My brain:Resolve to actually reject him even if he does that.
Resolve to remember that there are other men out there.
(Note to self: Therearemen out there… just not… these ones.)
The solar system:Resolve to send me my soulmate.
Im no longer looking just on planet Earth Im flexible.
The universe:Resolve to make this yearmyyear.
Did you miss the part about me flossing?
This article was originally published onDec.
