Life Online
These influencers only made me feel worse, so why do I miss them?
I never meant to get so stuck.
But as I quickly discovered, online breakups with strangers present their own challenges.
I find myself wondering how the queen bees wedding planning is going.
Did that influencer dye her hair back to brown?
Was that runner chasing a new PR?
Ive parted ways with social media, but theseparasocial relationshipsstill live rent-free in my mind.
Today, [they] take place more commonly toward influencers via social media.
That doesnt go away when we hit delete.
Still, we try.
The urge to renounce social media is trending.
But ultimately, these ghosts may leave us feeling hollow, insecure, and (yes) straight-up haunted.
Parasocial Relationships Serve A Purpose
Parasocial relationships can have a firm and lasting grip on our psyches.
From what we do in the morning to the things you see when youre out and about.
Were all kind of conditioned to share our musings on, like, pretty much our day-to-day experiences.
These minutiae create a false sense of intimacy.
After all, you might know the details ofSelena Gomezs skin care routine.
Can you say the same about your very best friend?
Even a stream of seemingly insignificant details can be hard to shake.
Our online follows serve different purposes, of course.
She has her green juice every day, so I started drinking my green juice every day.
The influencers strength-training guides sparked Reys interest in fitness.
They were, you know, branded and cute and accessible.
So I fell in love, she says.
Hate follows, meanwhile, can threaten our sense of self-fulfillment.
In a way, I think the lack of friction is what I miss mostabout these relationships.
My online voyeurism almost felt like I was befriending my dream self.
How To Live With Our Ghosts
Not everyone needs to cut ties with their parasocial connections.
Having a parasocial relationship isnt necessarily negative.
Pouring your focus into maintaining orbuilding new friendshipscan keep you from missing those half-hearted online bonds.
If you cant stop thinking about a strangers newborn or house renovations, consider whats behind that impulse.
Start by getting curious about what following this person truly brought you, Goldberg says.
Why is it important for you to know the next step of their lives?
Are you hoping they succeed or struggle?
If you still find yourself mentally tapping through their Instagram stories, you may need a more formal strategy.
Develop a plan for redirecting your focus when these thoughts come up.
Instead of dwelling on them, consciously shift your attention elsewhere, says Goldberg.
I say I love you or Im proud of you or I miss you.
I plan dinners andhot girl walks.
Ultimately, I want a life filled with mutual relationships, not a mind full of ghosts.
*Name has been changed for privacy.
Expert sources:
Rachel Goldberg, LMFT, therapist
Kate Lindsay, writer about life online
