It’s A Pleasure
This is one of those circumstances where no one is doing anything wrong.
Q: I have been with my boyfriend for about a year and a half.
Im 29 and this is my longest relationship ever.
Hes a wonderfully supportive, emotionally intelligent partner and I love him a lot!
I have been struggling with being satisfied with our sex life.
Weve discussed this a lot so I dont think its a communication problem, but maybe it is.
I am someone witha really high libidoand would love to have sex often.
I like that this means sex is more intentional.
A:Oh man, this is heartbreakingly irritating.
THIS SUCKS FOR ME IN A SPECIFIC WAY!
And obviously, you know it also sucks for them in a specific way!
OK, great, now that weve gotten that out of the way, whats the otheradvice?
Well, firstly, great on you guys for communicating about this already a hugestep!
But uhh, bad news bears, youre going to have to keep talking about it.
(Its no ones fault, bodies are bodies.)
Does he feel like its a Very Big Deal that youre unhappy with your sex life?
Because, again, it is!
Its a huge deal.
What are solutions that he can come up with that give you more sexual times?
Especially if you’re able to pinpoint what precisely you like about sex.
Is it the intimacy?
And if it’s possible for you to replicate that,then the non-sex sexy stuff is especially valuable.
It counts if you want it to!
Is he closed off to all messing around unless hes going to come?
(Frankly, that seems a little unfair?)
Is he open to you guys opening up your relationship?
Is he open to you masturbating next to him?
Is his expectation that one of you is sexually frustrated for the rest of the relationship?
On top of these questions for him about you, what other options are there for him?
Are there other ED treatments he can try that dont cause headaches?
Does his doctor know that the medication gives him headaches?
Having your body not cooperate is an emotionally devastating reality.
Im 100% sure hes not happy that youredissatisfied with your sex life.
And thats an extremely reasonable deal-breaker.
If youre only having sex with one person and the sex isnt working, thats a massive sacrifice.
Youd be like… OK, Im ending my exclusive agreement with this place.
Its depressing and heartbreaking, but its fair and your sex life is worth it.
Its A Pleasure appears here every Thursday.
This article was originally published onJune 30, 2022
