Sex & Relationships
When someone renegs in an open relationship, the blame game can get sticky.
She proposed an open relationship.
Yes, its open, but like, that doesnt mean its free rein.
That was the boundary that I tried to establish, Ava says.
It didnt work as anticipated.
In hindsight, Ava regrets suggesting an open relationship.
For many, open relationships work out swimmingly.
Avas not the only one who feels this way.
Although various forms of non-monogamy arent new, the subject has become more mainstream over the last few years.
On social media, its a regular subject of debate andjokes.
(Thatd be Feeld.)
Howard, 28, is one of those people.
The biggest issue, though, was that the open relationship label blurred the boundaries of friendship versus relationship.
If shed just had an affair, the boundaries and the breaking of them would have been clearer.
They broke up soon after.
I felt I had no place to say she couldnt be with him, he says.
That can make the shift to an open relationship feel, well, official, maybe even permanent.
For someone whos skittish about permanent change, denial is way easier than restructuring the entire relationship.
The most important thing is that both partners are on the same page.
The couple has to be in a very secure relationship to be able to test this out.
They should both have a clear voice in the relationship.
There cant be a power imbalance, says Walsh.
Power imbalance or not, Howard and Ava arent alone in their distaste for the dynamic.
In fact, a whole subreddit, aptly titledr/OpenMarriageRegret, exists where people discuss regretting the arrangement.
If one or both partners is unwilling to navigate gray areas, theyre likely to get mired in them.
The answer is no.
As I like to say, its all fun and games until somebody falls in love, adds Walsh.
Or, as one young woman in NYC told me, shed rather be the one who cheats.
After trying an open relationship, she says, I came to realize I preferred affairs.
Call that a learning experience, too.
