Relationships
You don’t need to keep pushing people away.
You hate weddings and loathe Valentines Day.
You gag at PDA.
And youre probably looking for a way to overcome it.
And your attachment style is influenced by things that are mostly out of your control.
Maybe you just met someone you really like, but something made you run.
Maybe you have a pattern of pushing partners away with your seeming lack of interest or aloofness.
Avoidant attachments develop early.
Chances are, your commitment-phobia didnt just appear out of nowhere.
You’re essentially learning that you cannot rely on your caregiver, Johnson says.
Those kids learn to not share or open up out of fear that their needs will go unmet anyway.
Your avoidant attachment might be negatively impacting your partner(s).
They chase, Lozano says of the anxious partner.
But its exactly that insecurity and sense of dependence that can trigger an avoidant persons flight reflex.
They run, she says of the avoidant partner.
And thus, the cycle continues.
There is a difference, however, between avoidant attachments andethically non-monogamous relationships,Lozano says.
For one thing, secure, ethical non-monogamous relationships are not based in fear.
How can I overcome my avoidant attachment?
But secure attachment is not static, she says.
It’s all fluid.
Depending on who you’re interacting with, you may be more avoidant, you may be more anxious.
You just have to listen for them.
When you were feeling sad as a little kid, who did you go to?
Or when you had good grades, who did you celebrate with?
How was that received?
We all carry our wounds, Johnson says.
For avoidant adults, those wounds propel them in the opposite direction from intimacy and closeness.
Once you do that, you may find that you had nothing to hide after all.
