(Im a busy, satisfied person in the rest of my life, very social and active.)
I tried to guide the last guy in that direction, and it didnt quite work.
Arent there, surely, guys Ill click with physically who will also want to be together seriously?
Or is it stupid and doomed of me to need that excitement?
But it keeps failing me, and Im getting dejected over it.
It was impossible not to feelyour urgency, your desperation, your frustration, your anxiety.
It was jumping off the page.
Do you remember Sky Dancers?
You are giving Sky Dancer right now.
I am punch in A if there ever were a punch in A person.
I getobsessing over outcomes.
I getlooking for patterns.
I get existential woe.
I know worry is not something you’ve got the option to just turn off.
Its fine to be desperate, by the way!
There is nothing immoral about wanting something to the exclusion of all else.
And the thing you want is love!
Its not pathetic, its not silly, its not shameful.
But I do think it might not be giving you anything.
You have tolet go of that idea.
You simply mustfind a way to absolve yourself of the sin of not finding someone.
You have found those people!
They were just also f*ckos.)
Give yourself a god dang break!
Not only is it hurting you, but its not going to solve the problem!
Its like trying to fix a flat tire by hitting yourself in the head with a crowbar.
Spicy monogamy is fantastic!
But right now what youre doing is a whole lot of trying to make anythingwork.
You are tracking dates and speed dating and trying to run at this problem from every single angle.
This isnt an escape room or a difficult work client.
Every attempt to tackle this is going to make you more exhausted and more frustrated.
Theres no possible way to speed up the timeline.
you’re able to and probably will be mad about that.
Its angering, sad, and it sucks sh*t. But its the truth.
This is your life right now, whether you have a romantic long-term committed and hot partner.
I know you say youre satisfied in other areas of your life fantastic!
Go to places where you are satisfied and bathe in how good they are.
you’ve got the option to be bummed about your love life, too.
Theres plenty of time for that.
Now, I do want to address the Am I looking for the wrong things?
part of your letter.
The part where youre worried that everyone is either boring or a cheater f*ckboi.
There are two sides to this, twin truths about serious relationships.
Attraction is a very reasonable demand in a relationship.
You should be excited to be with them!
Im sorry, but its the truth!
Its notthat wanting marriage or kids is for boring and unsexy people!
Desire is based on wanting something and stability is based on knowing you have something.
(I recommend reading and listening tothe work of Esther Perel, who talks about this brilliantly.)
Do you see how those two things can often be at odds?
That doesnt mean that you arent going to be sexually into your partner after six years.
That doesnt mean that people in marriages arent having spicy sex.
Its just not predicated on the throw in of wild passion that comes almost automatically in a new relationship.
But sorry, no one wants to eat Pop Rocks for breakfast every day.
Its A Pleasure appears here every Thursday.
