It’s A Pleasure
Its happened once before.
He hadnt heard from her in a while, but now they’re in contact again.
This upset me and I told him it was an awful thing to do.
And it seems very likely to happen again.
I feel like Im at an impasse: either accept his friendship or let our relationship go.
yo help, as I do really like him, butI no longer trust himwith my emotional well-being.
And even worth walking away from him for.
We often think oftrust in a relationshipas I trust you not to cheat.
That is absolutely an important part of trust.
But the trust a relationship requires encompasses so much more than that.
Attention from someone you once found attractive and desirable almost always feels nice.
It can be totally harmless.
without it being a betrayal.
I think its genuinely pathetic behavior to chase that validation at the expense of keeping your relationship secure.
And thats what I think hes doing.
Igetwanting to stay friends with someone who has been such a large part of his life.
I understand his inclination to be around someone who felt like family or home at one point.
But frankly, he needs to grow the hell up and get over that.
I simply dont think humans are very good at switching feelings on and off.
What Idothink is terrible is how little regard hes shown for you in this situation.
He talked about you and your relationship in a dismissive way.
He wasnt upfront about what their situation is or has been.
Im also not entirely sure that he needs to be in contact with her weekly.
Like, if two exesseeeach other weekly in a big friend group, sure!
But chatting on the phone once a week?
That seems like a lot of emotional reliance on one another.
The real thing here, regardless of what I think of his behavior, is howyoufeel about his behavior.
I think that right there is enough to walk away.
WE ALL SEE IT BUT YOU!
I dont want you to look past this or think youve overreacted.
I want him to understand that you cannot ever sh*t-talk your current relationship to an ex.
I want him to understand that hes broken your trust and that it will be on himto repair that.
I want himto offer to stop talking to her, at least for now.
I want him to dig in and do the work.
And I wantyouto leave him if he doesnt do that.
Its A Pleasure appears here every other Thursday.
