It’s A Pleasure
My husband works with us and he’s jealous.
Q:My husband and I work for the same company but in different departments.
He doesnt like the friend.
I can feel myself starting to resent my husbands attitude.
I feel very stressed and confused and would really love an outside, expert perspective.
A:You, my friend, are tap-dancing on fireworks.
You are having your cake, eating it,andstealing someone elses dessert out of the work fridge!
Youre putting extramaritalworkplace flirtationin writing?!
You seem genuinely surprised resentful, even!
that your husband would be upset about you havinga crush you flirt with at work.Where he also works.
Life is neither straightforward nor scissible.
But this is egregious.
Not just for marital reasons, but also for the sake of your job.
Bare, bare minimum: no moreflirtybanter, kindly out loud or via text.
Delete the incriminating Slacks.
It might help to investigate the source of your feelings.
If you werent sending coy messages and being tacky at work, this wouldnt be a big deal.
But this is acrushyoureacting on.A crush that your partner found out about because you are so Acting On It.
And the question is: why?
What else draws you to this person?
What do they give you that you are missing?
Why are you otherwise lacking that?
Have you told your husband about it?
I dont think so.
Especially since youre at the same company, you need space from each other.
The fact thatall your other friendships are hisworries me.
Its also concerning that heslooking at your phone.
(Unfortunately for the Pro-Phone-Checking group, your situation kind of validates them.
Alas, I remain faithfully Dont Ever Check Someones Phone.)
Do you have parts of your life that are only for you?
Does your husband decide what you are and are not allowed to do?
Is thisflirty friendshipabout having something he cannot control?
So… why are you still married to him?
Thats the most interesting question to me.
The best I can surmise is that you are stuck.
Im not sure why.
Youdont want to be single, or cant imagine life without him?
Youre on his health insurance, or your mom lives with you and youd both have nowhere to go?
A green card issue, or your religion or culture doesnt believe indivorce?
That is not the case!
You and your partnerbothseem unhappy.
And this situation is making things worse.
Or, at the very least, more complicated.
In your own words, you feel resentful, stressed, and confused.
You cannot do a littleemotional cheatingas a treat for staying in your marriage.
Zesty banter with a co-worker is not going to improve that.
If this was a healthy, happy partnership, you would be horrified to have hurt your husband.
You would be beside yourself.
Your relationship is currently putrescent; I dont know if this little trifle is a symptom or a cause.
(USDA, just dont read this.)
You should not be simply tolerating a marriage.
And you certainly shouldnt do it by hurting your husband.
Its A Pleasure appears here once a month.
If you have a sex, dating, or relationship question,fill out this form.
