It’s A Pleasure
Sex with my ex was great but not explosive.
My guess is that I probably havent had an orgasm, but how can you really tell?
Dont stop until youve finished the chapter about orgasms.
Im joking a little bit, but not really.
That book is phenomenal and can teach yousomuch about your body and sex.
Nagoski explains concepts in such comforting and accessible ways while still teaching you loadsabout your body.
I mean, Im a sex writer and I learned a lot.
Its a book I come back to frequently.
You might not know.
If anyone tries to convince you otherwise, theyre ill-informed.
Maybe youve climaxed before, maybe not.
Nagoski definesorgasmsas the sudden, involuntary release of sexual tension.
You might be thinking thats vague, and yeah, babe, it is!
So, again, its not unreasonable to be unsure about this.
Others come when their bladders get full.
Also, people frequently have orgasms during otherwise meh or even unsatisfying sex.
The body is weird and wonderful.
According to Nagoski, most women get a sense of doneness after an orgasm.
Completion, if you will.
Perhaps youve read this far and realized,Wow, yeah, I actually have had an orgasm.Stunning!
But perhaps you are more convinced than ever that you havent ever come.
It sounds like you were having bananas-good bang sessions.
You do not need to come to make sex good.
You also do not need to interrupt a good time chasing after an orgasm.
If anything is going to be more ruinous to the mood, its desperatelytrying to make yourself climax.
You kind of have to act like you dont care at all… while clearly caring.
I also recommend trying mindfulness exercises (there are some inCome as You Are) and vibrators.
The more relaxed you’re able to be, the better.
You also do not have to work on coming.
It certainly isnt something you must demand to be a Good Feminist or something.
Make your sex life good foryou.If that includes trying for an orgasm, great.
Remember, sex should be about pleasure not trying to hit certain benchmarks.
This isnt the Presidential Fitness Test.
Its A Pleasure appears here every other Thursday.
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