It’s A Pleasure
Hes a little boring but treats me so well.
Q:Should I break up with my long-distance boyfriend of one year?
Every time I visit him by train, I feel like Im wasting time.
Our conversations are much duller than before due to lack of common topics.
Honestly, Im not physically attracted to him anymore.
We will most probably end up in different countries after graduation andI cant see sharing a future with him.
Could I remain good friends with him even if webreak up?
A:Im so sorry, but I must call out a lie when I see one.
No, it very much does not!
Visiting him feels like a waste of time.
Talking to him is boring.
Youre not even attracted to him, and yet, you worry you wont find any relationship better thanthis?
Thats like finding a baked potato on the sidewalk and eating it in case nothing more appetizing comes along.
What are we doing?
Someone call the farm because this is silly goose stuff!
There are millions and millions of nice people I dont date!
Being with him solely because hes nice is like buying a unicycle because it technicallycanget you to work.
Or at least, thats a tidy lie you could tell yourself while youre getting over him.
Secondly, no, you should not remain friends with him.
Even if you take the attraction issues off the table, you dont enjoy spending time with him.
That does not sound like any connection Id want.
Plus, you two are very literally in different places.
But being alone is far, far better than long train rides to loneliness and discontent.
To be sure, some take to singlehood better than others.
It can be isolating and maddening as often as it is thrilling and freeing.
Youwillfind a better relationship, but first, ask yourself how you got to this point.
Youre giving up precious time for something that is making you fairly miserable.
Think about why it has been so hard to cut this off.
Be curious, not judgmental, about yourself and your choices.
Do youdread the prospect of being single?
Are you afraid of hurting his feelings?
These are just some of the many questions I think you should grapple with.
A therapist can help you with this.
In the future, I beg you to date with intention and discernment.
You dont owe anyone love.
Romance isnt a nicety like saying good morning to your barista or holding the door for someone.
Its an endeavor you enter from a place of deep enthusiasm, bordering on wild need.
Life is invaluable and short.
Do not waste it by going after people who bore you.
Even if they are sweet.
Even if they are thoughtful and kind.
You both deserve more than that.
Its A Pleasure appears here once a month.
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