Books
In her third novel, the bestselling author digs into a very American tragedy.
A few years ago, a journalist asked bestselling author Jessica Knoll whether shed prefer critical or commercial success.
Without hesitation, she chose commercial.
But then the interviewer pushed her: Didnt she believe she could haveboth?
That was a really scary question to pose to myself, she says.
I do not think that about myself anymore.
This reckoning freed her up to take greater challenges.
That she can really, truly have both.
Below, Knoll reflects on confidence, refusing to make herself small, and splurging on a boob lift.
What first drew you to Ted Bundy, and these sorority murders, in particular?
Zac Efron played him.
It was absolutely egregious thatthatwas what he said to him.
I started thinking, like, Wow, theres so much about this that I didnt know.
I didnt know that his crime spree ended in Florida because he escaped prison twice.
[Then in Florida], three people died.
One was a 12-year-old girl.
If they were alive today, theyd only be in their 50s or 60s.
These women wouldnt even be grandparents yet, necessarily.
They would still be young.
Having that realization, it makes me even emotional to think about, it just made me so angry.
I needed to understand how this happened.
How did you find the reporting process?
It definitely slowed me down, but not necessarily in a bad way.
Could I really capture what it wouldve been like to be a 21-year-old young woman in 1978?
I can write about that.
But that experience isnt unique to Bundy.
What makes me crazy about that is hewouldnthave been a great lawyer.
He didnt even get into law school!
Then he couldnt keep up!
All the evidence says no.
Thats how the school shooting became a part ofLuckiest Girl Alive, my interest in Columbine.
[At the time] I couldnt think of what was done to me as violence.
I was always fascinated with that case.
But they wore those trench coats to conceal the weapons.
They were normal jock-y guys.
[One of them] went to prom on Saturday night and committed this onTuesday.
I remember being blown away that a [false] narrative could take form in the media.
I was like, Ive been duped my whole life.
Another narrative fascination of yours is the concept of success.
But what youve written about feels a lot more radical to me: your desire for monetary success.
I think money is a dirty word.
Lots of people do.
I remember my feelings got hurt.
I dont just do writing to make money.
And Im like, But thats what Im saying.
We can have both.
I was like, Thatis brutal honesty.
And I love that, because I wouldve figured out something else, too.
I wouldve been like, This isnt enough for me.
How do you respond when people hurt your feelings?
My therapist says to just say ouch.
That column thatThe Cutdid was about honest discussions of money.
I wasnt cushioning it.
It was only about money.
Did that experience ever make you rethink being so outspoken about money?
I think a lot about when I first got the publishing offer forLuckiest Girl Alive.
My concept of money at that time was limited to something very close to an assistant salary.
I was shocked but thrilled.
Then I immediately freaked out, and my first thought was, I should make a donation somewhere.
Now I look back and Im like, Are you f*cking crazy?
You didnt feel worthy of it.
I didnt feel like I deserved it.
And Im like, Has any man ever felt like that?
I also had friends and acquaintances who I instantly knew I had to minimize myself for.
The I Want to Be Rich essay had just been published and was picking up steam online.
She wrote back very quickly being like, I love this.
But I didnt mention any of it [to my friend].
I knew I couldnt.
I remember telling my therapist about it the following week.
She was like, You are never to do that again.
You were minimizing yourself to make other people feel comfortable.
We dont want you doing that anymore.
We dont just have to accept this.
Its nice to have a community of people who are like, We deserve this.
Finally, in thatThe Cutinterview, you revealed that youd just splurged on a Porsche.
So I have to ask, whats your latest splurge?
The new Porsche is a boob lift and a breast reduction.
I am absolutely obsessed with you admitting that.
I did it in July.
Im like, Wait.
I havent had kids, but my boobs have looked like this since I was 14 years old.
I would like to not wear a bra.
Im like, Do I deserve this because I didnt carry children?
Its like, Yeah.
I want this, I can afford it, and Im going to treat myself.
That was my big splurge.
The next time you see me, Im just going to have nipples out.
Youre going to wear the most low-cut top ever to your book launch.
Your skin will also be perfect by then.
This interview has been edited and condensed for clarity.
