Q:Ive had acrush on my guy friendon and off since I was 13.
I couldnt see us in a relationship together anyway.
Weve stayed in touch and have been talking more since Imoved to a new citya few months ago.
Ive never had more self-confidence.
Recently, I visited home and we met up on a night out.
I found myself shocked at how easy, fun, and familiar it was to be around him.
There were definitely vibes from him, which led us to talking about me coming home with him.
It didnt end up happening, which Im fine with.
The following day, we acknowledged what (almost) happened over texts and joked about it.
Its something Im self-conscious about but I know I would feel comfortable and physically safe with my friend.
I dont want anything serious from him and believe he feels the same.
My concern is if its a bad idea to go there, given our history.
A:Let me start this letter with the gentle and loving reminder that virginity is fake.
As a concept, virginity is heteronormative and harmful and limiting.
However, just because virginity is a social construct doesnt mean the emotions around it are fake.
It doesnt have to be special or romantic.
You dont have to wait to find the right person.
you might just decide you want to hook up with someone on the spot and then do it.
If youre into it, thats enough!
The truth of the matter is thatsexis often unpredictable and messy both emotionally and literally.
And even if you do somehow make a certifiable Bad Choice, thats OK!
hey join the club of people who made iffy decisions on whom to bang the first time.
Youll find, like, 76% of the population is with you.
And the answer is maybe.
Actually, the answer is probably.
But that doesnt make it a bad idea.
That is absolutely possible.
But ultimately, none of us has any idea how anything is going to go.
We cannot outthink life.
This isnt a screed against being careful or measured when making potentially emotional decisions.
So, is this guy the right guy to do this with?
But are you listening, America?
history cannot be ignored.
This is a person youve liked on and off for years.
That attraction could lead to hotter sex, but it could also lead to a dicier fallout.
Thats especially true because of the dynamic you describe between the two of you.
You use the word power and that you dont trust him emotionally.
They were socialized that way, and it sucks for everyone.
So if you do decide to hook up with him, do not enter into the contest with him.
Do not have a go at feel less.
Experiencing emotions doesnt mean that youre asking for a relationship or that youvefallen desperately in love.It means youre human.
That happens to us all.
This doesnt have to go smoothly for it to have been worth it.
Its all OK. Thats sex and dating, baby!
You have all the tools you better bounce back after a crush on this or any other guy.
Youve done it before and you’re free to do it again.
Its A Pleasure appears here every other Thursday.
This article was originally published onMarch 2, 2023
