It’s A Pleasure
Not doing something you dont want to do isnt missing out.
Q:I’m finding myself more and more removed from the dating world and sex altogether.
Kind of like when you take a break from alcohol or something.
I’ve beensingle for 7-plus yearsand haven’t slept with anyone in about eight months.
The thought of getting intimate with someone almost disgusts me.
I enjoy conversation with random people anywhere but keeping them casual is the best part.
Have I lost my appetite for the carnal pleasures of life?
Or am I realizing a new way of living that suits my needs and wants?
Seriously, every single person you know, you meet, you have a casual conversation with?
Some people feel like their careers are stalled.
And for many, many people, love is the arena in which theyre absolutely certain theyre lacking.
Part of this is that romantic love is a deep and pervasive focus for us.
It has always been to some extent look, we didnt getRomeo and Juliet425 years ago for nothing.
Or at the very least uninteresting at the moment.
You ask the question, Have I lost my appetite for the carnal pleasures of life?
But lets take that a step further: So what if you have?
What if you dont want sex?
Im having a great time eating raspberry sorbet, but should I be eating creme brulee?
Am I missing out on it?
You dont have to eat creme brulee if you dont like it.
You dont have to chase sex if you dont want it.
Let me be clear though: you have not lost your appetite for allpleasure.
Chocolate still tastes good.
Puppies still make your heart clench.
Seeing a sunset still makes you feel like, Oh hell yeah, were alive on a planet.
Sex is not the only or even dominant source of pleasure out there.
While labels are extremely helpful and affirming for many, they also arent necessary.
Nor can they paint an entire picture of anyones full sexuality.
No ones sexual desires, interests, and experiences can be encapsulated in a word.
And they arent missing out on anything.
Not doing something you dont want to do isnt missing out.
So much of life is about doing un-fun things.
You dont need to add pressure on yourself to perform certain rituals just because other people like them.
I dont like and will never like amusement parks.
Loathe them to my core.
No amount of assurances that they are fun will ever work on me.
I will have no fun.
I will ruin your time.
Lo and behold, I hated it.
Its almost like I know what is fun for me!
(Drinking a nice cocktail on a patio.)
like do not feel the need to keep testing it out or making an effort.
Let go of the feeling that youre missing anything.
Find fun and connection in the ways you want.
Fill your life up with whatever youwant.
Its A Pleasure appears here every Thursday.
