Protecting Your Peace
Boundaries are important.
But our relationships require a touch more compassion than some online blueprints offer.
Last summer, Anna, 24, was dumped by a longtime friend over text.
Anna was hurt, and frustrated.
It felt like she was ending the friendship with an HR memo, she said.
Let it be more of a discussion.
It felt super one-sided.
TikTok therapists likeNadia AddesiandTherapyJeffoffer tips for struggling with anxiety, self-esteem, and people-pleasing.
Therapy speak prescriptive language describing certain psychological concepts and behaviors can be found everywhere fromgroup chatstodating apps.
Its important to be able to set boundaries and advocate for yourself.
Critics have noted that personal relationships require a touch more compassion than some of these therapeutic blueprints offer.
When we would make plans, they would change them the day before, she says.
Trying to reschedule and rearrange events would be met with The plan has changed.
Were going to do [alternative activity].
Im setting a boundary.
I still get that knee-jerk reaction of not wanting to be a bother when plans are canceled.
One friend showed up 25 minutes late.
I felt like I was still super polite to her and warm.
After dinner and a low-key bar visit, the night wrapped early and Hakala went home.
Close to midnight, the late friend called Hakala.
She says, I need to address this.
You made me feel unsafe and unloved tonight, Hakala says.
I went, Excuse me?
Hakala had no idea what prompted this outburst and on her birthday, no less.
He created this whole thing about his safety, his boundaries, his rules, she says.
There are reasons a person might be tempted to overindulge in some of this self-care behavior.
If your friends are frequently choosing their own needs over yours, Franco says, its worth asserting yourself.
Camille assured her there was nothing wrong, but the conversation still devastated Kaitlyn.
I had a complete breakdown.
But the ordeal had taken its toll.
Some of the my-way-or-the-highway, Im-setting-a-boundary-that-you-cant-cross-or-else advice out there, she notes, can ultimately backfire.
After all, Saxbe says, Really good relationships are a two-way street.
This article was originally published onApril 7, 2023
