It’s A Pleasure
He pops into my head multiple times a day.
How do I let him go?
Q:Five years ago,my ex blindsided me with a breakupand moved out.
Like, I get dressed in the morning and see the skirt I wore on our first date.
I see my pregnant friend and wonder how my ex’s pregnant wife is doing.
I see a cute guy on a dating app and realize he looks like my ex.
I hate that my brain won’t let go of him.
It’s mortifying.How do I forget about him?
A:Well, I have some news, Eternal Sunshine: you dont.
I havent forgotten any of my middle school English teachers names!
Why would you forget about a person you were in love with?
This might sound like youre doomed forever, but youre not.
I certainly hear that you would like to think about himless.Which is fine!
Whose standards are we using to judge how often you think of him?
I mean are we talking 489 times a day?
Or simply once or twice?
It might just… be whats happening.
Give yourself full permission to think of him as often as youd like without reproach.
Let the thought pass without judgment.
Thoughts and emotions are simply sensations.
They arent the absolute truth, OK?
Catch ya later, melancholy!
Or you could reframe your memories with gratitude.
I had such a nice time on ourfirst date;Im so glad I got to experience that.
What the scale says?
What a random person on the internet thinks of me?
Not my business.What your ex is doingright now with his new partner?
If its embarrassing to still think of him?
If youdofeel like doing some extra introspection, approach your feelings with curiosity rather than judgment.
Stuck in traffic thats going to get you in trouble with your boss?
Why might memories be popping up?
What healthier outlets or temporary distractions might you have?
Can you get drinks with a friend?
Can you scream into a pillow?
Can you go for a walk?
Can you watchShes the Manfor the third time this week?
Again, I dont think youre doomed.
You do not seem as stuck as you make yourself out to be.
I also believe that time will lessen this.
One last thing Ill say: Be careful in dealing in absolutes.
Full of new things.
And also, of course, of memories, too.
Its A Pleasure appears here every other Thursday.
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