It’s A Pleasure
How can I keep trusting my instincts?
Q:How do you trust your approach todatingwhen you don’t love the results?
I’m 27 and feel like I’m finally hitting my stride with dating in a big city.
It’s easy meeting new people and I actually enjoy the shared awkwardness of afirst date.
“Sometimes, it ends after three dates or three months, but it always ends.
I’m sure at this point you’re ready to cue up the world’s smallest violin.
But I’ve tried dates where we go small with drinks or go big with a Barbenheimer double feature.
I’ve slept with someone on the first date and waited until thefifth date.
My friends still tease me because I love taking people to the aquarium.
It’s my happy place!
How will I know when it’s time to consider changing things up?
A:My college roommate Shelby taught me a wonderful phrase: Your biggest problem is your biggest problem.
But it is a real problem!
There are no small violins from me!
Itsnormalto befrustrated by dating, and venting about it often provides relief.
Leave stoicism for Marcus Aurelius, OK?
The truth is: you arent doinganythingwrong.
I think a lot of people want to guide the dating process along.
Or at least to feel like they can dosomething.But theres not much to do!
That doesnt, however, mean youre f*cked.
Imagine yourself less as out to sea in a life raft with no hope of rescue.
Instead, youre in an innertube on a lazy river.
You will get to where youre going; you dontneedto steer the boat.
The secret is that there Is.
There isn’t one!
Which is a bummer!
And can drive anyone a little banana pancakes!
They didnt win some game earlier.
They arent worth more.
Who finds a connection and when isentirelyarbitrary.
If youre into kink or non-monogamy, try Feeld.
Or stick to your current app but change up your profile!
If youre intrigued by meeting people IRL, give speed-dating a whirl.
(If youre in New York, tryAmbyr Club.)
If you were having more fun dating, go back to it!
If you wind up happier, keep the break going.
What would that feel like?
It’s very likely that at some point in the future, you will notbe single.
What will you miss about this chapter of your life?
Because the truth of the matter is that time will pass no matter what.
Its so great!!
I am not saying that.
Im also encouraging you to not second-guess yourself simply because you havent found a partner.
You have found people who wont work.
That doesnt mean you were a fool for trying.
If you instinctively knew whom to date, youd go date them!
Remember, there is no process here.
There is no strategy.
There is luck and circumstance and thats it.
Think of dating like walking along a beach with a metal detector.
And theres very little you’re free to do to make that happen.
Youre just going to get lucky someday.
The aquarium sounds amazing.
Its A Pleasure appears here every other Thursday.
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