Wellness
In praise of bulking up.
I do not want to drink this.
As a kid, I ate like my dad, a marathon runner.
Big bowls of pasta covered in Parmesan cheese.
Two chocolate-frosted doughnuts snatched from the long white Entenmanns box when no one was looking.
I judged progress by whether I could fit into size 0 boot-cut Abercrombie jeans.
It was a cautionary tale: Dont lift heavy, because you dont want to get too bulky.
But what does bulky even mean?
I Googled it: Taking up much space, typically inconveniently, read the first definition.
The sneering waybulkyis often used to describe muscular women suddenly made sense.
Taking up space is the opposite of what we want women to do.
Inconvenient is exactly how a woman whose appearance challenges gender norms would be seen.
A woman who takes up space is threatening because its generally assumed shes taking that space from a man.
Men are supposed to be big and powerful.
Women are dainty and beautiful.
Today, muscular women are (marginally) more socially accepted than ever before.
Still, theres an invisible line between what we deem acceptably built and freakishly bulky.
Women are told to be strong but not too strong.
Muscular, but not so much as to upset traditional gender roles.
Powerful, but still traditionally feminine.
How is it that we still have such a narrow definition of what makes someone masculine or feminine?
Sure, lifting weights is more acceptable now; its even part of upscale boutique studio workouts.
For example, I was a teenager when having toned muscles became the body ideal.
A full three-quarters of the respondents believe that the media promotes an unattainable body image for women.
Implicitly (and sometimes explicitly), I was told Id be happier when I arrived in that body.
So if trying to get bigger and more muscular seemed strange, there was a good reason.
And thats a heavy burden, no matter how strong you are.
These women dont give a sh*t if their bodies are inconveniencing anyone with their size.
I pick up todays midmorning protein shake from the counter and the top opens with a satisfying pop.
I think about all the personal records I might break with that extra strength.
I see myself approaching the barbell, hooking my wrist wraps around it, and beginning to pull.
I think about what matters more, how my body looks, or what it can do.
I look at the last few sips of that sad-tasting shake, smile, and chug.
Adapted from SECRETS OF GIANTS Copyright 2023 by Alyssa Ages.
Reprinted here with permission from Avery, an imprint of Penguin Random House Publishers.
