It’s A Pleasure
I love him, but I’ll never be the devout partner he deserves.
I currently live abroad to study and Im finishing my degree this year.
I have been havingdoubts recently about our relationshipand they are making me feel really stressed and anxious.
I am an extremely strong atheist.
A:Im very glad you mentioned that you think relationships can have value even if they arent future-focused.
Thats not what the end of a relationship is or even can be.
A breakup doesn’t change the past, only the future.
It sounds like, for the sake of both of your futures, this relationship might need to end.
Interfaith relationships are possible, common, and wonderful.
In 2015, thePew Research Centerreported that 39% of then-recent weddings in the U.S. were between interfaith couples.
I do not think that differences in faith are deal-breakers by any stretch of the imagination.
They require more communication and more work.
And they require a shared concept of the future.
Fundamentally, I think you two have different visions of life and family.
Many families have multiple religious influences or understand that one of their parents believes something and the other doesnt.
Its the harsh lesson that love isnt enough.
Love cant make one of you change your values.
You two are simply in loveandon different life paths.
Dont aim to hurt people, but its OK to be ruthless with building the life you want.
The Rest of Your Life will occur no matter what; it will come.
Now is the time to take some risks.
You do not get to come back and do your 20s again but more fun this time.
I think it is!
You are not evil for breaking both of your hearts.
I think this because you say that the idea of himcrying stops you.
You dont mention that this devastates you, or cuts off the lifeyouhave always intended to live.
Of course, I know youll be sad too terribly, horribly, unbelievably sad for a while.
But it sounds like youve been slowly getting used to the unacceptable truth of needing to end this.
Youve been testing the ice on the frozen pond.
Believe me, yo: it will suck for a bit.
You will probably feel guilty and shameful and angry with yourself for ending something that didnthaveto end just yet.
attempt to remember that going your separate ways might be the kindest choice for you both.
Neither of you deserves the burden of making the impossible work.
You each deserve the ease of building a life with someone with shared visions of the future.
I guarantee you that yourlife after the breakupwill be full again.
It will be so, so, so, so good.
This will hurt for a bit.
Its A Pleasure appears here every other Thursday.
