Q:I recently started dating a guy who I really like.
Hes kind, he loves me, we have so much fun together.The problem is my friends.
But I think its normal to be super into your partner in the beginning.
I like how into each other we are!
I dont think its a bad thing!
But I alsodont want to lose my friendsover this.
How you spend your time is indicative of whom and what you love.
Not spending time with people does mean something.
The project of life is finding people who will love you how you show up.
Yes, people grow and shift, but on your terms and over time.
Not for the sake of someone named Todd who just came into your life in February.
I suspect youve beendoing a lot of adjusting for your boyfriend.
But I wonder how much hes been making similar adjustments for you.
That dynamic is a real bummer to watch as a friend.
Eventually, the two of thembroke up bless us!
and she is back to girls nights andfriend trips.
(There were lots of tears.)
It took all of us time to rebuild the natural ease and intimacy wed once had.
Does any of this ring true to you?
Do you prioritize hanging out with his friends simply because hell sulk around yours?
Have you picked up his hobbies and interests more than hes tried to invest in yours?
Have you been making sure that your boyfriend never has to feel a moments discomfort?
He should want to be part of your life.
He should not want you to change.Youshould not want to abandon parts of your life for a relationship.
I dont know anyone whoput all their eggs in a relationship basketand is happy about it years later.
Ask them what they think about him and why they have concerns.
Its probably going to make you feel defensive.
I urge you to sit with that feeling rather than expressing it immediately.Listenclosely.
Give them the same benefit of the doubt that youre giving your boyfriend.
Beyond that: Show up for your friends.
I dont care if the guy comes or doesnt come.
Keep your life as full as it was before this guy came along.
He should want that as much as you do; that should be natural and desirable to you both.
c’mon remember howRomeo and Julietends.
A love that consumes you isnt actually romantic; its tragic.
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